As the number one spamgun around here, I thought it was my responsibility to advise you that owing to foreign spamguns firing with all cylinders at our new phpBB installation, it was decided that for the health of the community, the board was to be shut down.

I utilised my superior spamming abilities to fire until the board completely collapsed under the sheer absurdity of my electronic ciggies, pyramid flyers, gain-weight-quick schemes, penis-reducing-machines, Viagra returns, and other nefarious goods and services.

Thankfully, these events have no effect on the main (this) site, as this continues as normal (ie: dead(ish)), and no-one ever used the board anyway.

Bye bye spammers, my spamgun is bigger than yours.

I am posting this because I am finally sick and tired of these retarded people who see those EARN MORE £££ WEEKLY RING THIS DODGY MOBILE NUMBER!!! flyers illegally stuck to public and private property alike, and think "oh yeah, this sounds like a wise business decision."

Well it's not, you dumb fuck! The reason that they illegally flyposter areas, is because they do business in a way that is very very suspect, and just barely legal.

The head-office sells catalogues to their distributors, roughly 50-65p per copy, and then the distributer need to employ at least 10 other distributors in order to get any residual income at all.

What the distributors then do, is put these catalogues through every door in a neighbourhood, with an order form, a date of return, and instructions on where to leave the catalogue for them to collect.

What the distributors fail to realise is that most homeowners don't like spam, and this is considered to be one of the worst forms of it. They will steadfastly refuse to return to catalogue and the distributor is screwed.

Note how Kleeneze the company doesn't get hurt by any of this, because it's the stupid idiots who pay for these fucking catalogues which are full of the gaudiest tat possible, at prices sometimes double the Argos price.

I have created a flyer myself, and here I will fire it off into the ether:
KleenezeOutYourArea.rar

Inside the .rar is an .odg (OpenDocument Drawing).
Open with OpenOffice.org Draw, change the words "Your Area" to you own area, save.
Export to PNG.
Open with GIMP 2.0
Double up or quadruple up onto A4 (octuple them up if you're A3 crazy).

Enjoy! I certainly enjoyed making it, finally I am productive here!

Here's the snapshot for those not that interested in downloading the original:
http://www.sensibilium.com/images/blogpost/kleenezeOutYourArea.png

As things have recently been changed around here, I have been drafted in to draw attentions to the various thingies that ak has been posting about of late.

Firstly, and most importantly, I hear that my position is soon to be filled by others due to the re-opening of guest commenting to the blog. I hear it's ok though, as it will take at least another month before the spammers arrive, and functionailty is in place to easily delete their comments (for ak at least, the swine).

What does spamgun want with me?
I want to show you that anything you can think of, which may be of a fleeting interest to our readers is welcome in our blog.

I am told that Angus has been formulating a post for almost 18 years. He really needs to pull his socks up. But he's one post ahead of our latest member, logicfish, at least. Nice post btw, logicfish.

You can basically post any damn thing you like, as long as it's not too untasteful.

Don't forget too, that you can embed youtube vids like what I'm about to do now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anwy2MPT5RE

I thank you for your time, spamgun, signing off.

Little word of advice to you Scottish Power customers out there, don't bother phoning their customer services, because although you are paying local rates, you will be punished through an automated menu system that takes at least 1 minute to complete. After which you will be able to request to speak to a representative.

Don't worry though, the menu system will reply that they are far too busy to deal with you, and then cut you off. This has happened to me twice in two days.

So, send them an email to ask them to call you perhaps? Nope, can't do that either.

As this is an inbound call centre, any queries sent by e-mail have to be replied by e-mail.

I like that rule. We refuse to waste money on phone calls, but expect you to do so.

What a bunch of bastards.

In association with
/images/writings/opensauce.pngBY

NUMEROUS CONTRIBUTORS

PLEASE BURN BEFORE READING

(C)opyright is a nasty word but the real authors would appreciate being given the credit/blame they deserve and a link back to this site.

/images/writings/garden_shed_blues.jpgBy Numerous Contributors


(C)opyright is a nasty word but the real author would appreciate being
given the credit/blame he deserves and a link back to this site.

In association with
/images/writings/opensauce.pngBY

NUMEROUS CONTRIBUTORS

PLEASE BURN BEFORE READING

(C)opyright is a nasty word but the real authors would appreciate being given the credit/blame they deserve and a link back to this site.

In association with
/images/writings/opensauce.pngBY

NUMEROUS CONTRIBUTORS

PLEASE BURN BEFORE READING

(C)opyright is a nasty word but the real author would appreciate being given the credit/blame s/he deserves and a link back to this site.

In association with
/images/writings/opensauce.pngBY

NUMEROUS CONTRIBUTORS

PLEASE BURN BEFORE READING

(C)opyright is a nasty word but the real author would appreciate being given the credit/blame he deserves and a link back to this site.

The following texts have been extracted from the now defunct Profane Dog forum, we have chosen only the finest texts to gain entry into this section, so you can be sure of a jolly good read.

Find a nice broad big texty site, may I suggest suite101.com, alternatively a single text can be cut up to discover new meanings.
Open a blank text message.
Run around the site cutting and pasting, as fast as you can, whatever takes your fancy into the text file. Don't do this in order but post right into the middle of previous grabs. Who gives a shit about a few ruptured words? You can also paste the same cut many times.
When you feel you have enough raw stuff, work through it from the start, deleting stuff and altering capitalisation and punctuation so that it makes sense. Sense is a relative term. You may even wish to change words or write stuff. Hey why not? Its a good idea to be pretty ruthless and delete lots so that you remove what the quote meant in the first place and create new meanings.
Don't expect to produce stuff of the same quality as if you actually sweated it out. It's easy, OK?
Obviously this is just a cheap modern update of William Burroughs cut-up technique. All hail Burroughs!!!!
An example cut up is "Plaice with a chainsaw", a "poem" in this case.
Similar things can be done in art, its called "collage" and in music where it is called "sampling".
Make your own cut-ups! Then send them to us! They might even end up in this section!