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How to be Evil - The route to fame...

Saturday, the 23rd of January, 1999 at 7:02am

Zeno · Comments

Old Style:

In the old days being evil was easy, all you had to do was sell your soul. This was no problem, you just popped down to the nearest crossroads, preferably around midnight and there you'd find a certain gentleman entrepreneur. This guy, in addition to being most courteous, would pay the most ridiculous prices for your measly piece of merchandise. Fame, fortune or the ability to play the guitar like a man possessed; you could easily wrangle anything you wanted out of this man.

New Style:

Times have changed, the gentleman at the crossroads has gone into retirement and the new boys have decided it's time to modernize. Instead of just popping down the road at midnight these days things are a bit more bureaucratic. First off you have to memorize a 12 dimensional map of the universe that doesn't make any sense even when you're tripping and then you have to perform a 25 day ritual, all the while chanting words even a Dutchman would have problems pronouncing. At the end of this time something that looks like a cross between an octopus and Alexei Sayle appears. Now this thing doesn't care about you, your soul, or in fact anything and instead of offering fame, fortune etc. it gives you the following choices:

a) Disappear mysteriously and completely
b) Be throttled by your own intestines or something as pleasant
c) Go spectacularly and irreversibly insane

Conclusion:

Evil isn't what it used to be.

This post was last edited on the 9th of August, 2009 at 2:39am

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