The Profane Dog

Westhaven Part 2

After terrorising Ahdkaw whilst he slept -just because she could, Kaz grabbed a beer, skinned up and went to sit outside. As she sat down, movement at the edge of the clearing caught her eye. Someone or something was skulking around in the bushes. After a while she caught enough of a glimpse to work out it was Penfold.

'What the hell is he doing now?' she wondered as she watched him with mild curiosity.

Kaz · Unscroll

Penfold knelt in the thick bushes that surrounded the old pub, rifle held lightly in his hands and against his shoulder. His eyes stayed fixed straight ahead as the barrel moved slightly, following the movements inside the pub. Even though he was barely breathing Kaz still spotted him as she sat supping her beer; as she turned to face him he gently squeezed the trigger...

She was a tough one, no doubt about that, but she was from the east and didn't know how things worked out here. Sure she had the Official Papers of Settlement for the Village of Westhaven but settlers didn't tend to last too long in these parts. And as for all that crazy talk about some damn magic university, well, there was more than just outlaws and runaways up in the badlands; there were demons leftover from the great wars. They were attracted to magic like flies to fresh shit and they weren't all as nice as that Horab creature either.

In the pub the pile of rags suddenly unclenched and burst upwards out the door, ripping it off its hinges with a crash. The rags fell as it ran revealing an emaciated maggot-white body with long scrawny arms and a gigantic bulbous head. Just in time Kaz span and managed to block a sharp biting lunge at her face, red staring eyes and gnawing razor teeth stopped just inches away from her. As she brought her other fist into its chest a shot rang out off to the left and the creatures body jerked suddenly to the right, hitting the side of the building and falling still, thick red blood gushing from the side of its head.

Behind the bar Ahdkaw woke, stood up, muttered "Hey Kaz, keep it down could you? I'm not feeling so well" and stumbled out past the body without even noticing it, accompanied by his usual morning retching sounds.

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Wiping the sick from his mouth, Ahdkaw stood up straight. The previous night hadn't been that wild had it? He couldn't remember. A sharp stabbing pain in his head advised him to go sit down and get another beer.

Approaching the table where Kaz was sat, he noticed from the corner of his eye some strange-looking creature lying peacefully on the ground. Thankfully it looked dead, spatters of red surrounded the immediate vicinity as well as on Kaz's clothing. Lucky then that she was wearing shiny leather, as she sat and sponged the red away. Ahdkaw nodded at Kaz and she looked up, "Thanks for kicking my shin," he said as he hobbled closer.

Kaz only smiled, and passed him a bottle of beer, "How many of these do we have left?" he asked with some concern, "Oh, enough for the next couple of days I'm sure, but we already have some more ordered and it should be delivered soon" she replied.

Ahdkaw sat at the table and looked at the dead maggot-like creature, "You think we can eat it?", he pondered. "We have a butchers block and blade in the bar, I can go and get it for you," replied Kaz.

"No!" Penfold shouted from the bushes, somewhat surprising the hapless Ahdkaw, "That's my bloody meal, I shot it fair and square! But you can have the legs if you like."

ahdkaw · Unscroll

"No, you're alright mate. Got pheasant penned up round the back of the pub. Had to build a run for them. Figure the first I caught was female and bloody loads have turned up since! I'll let you keep it all for yourself - if you REALLY wish to eat something that looked like a maggot even before it was dead." Kaz said in a most sickened and disgusted tone.
She turned back to Ahdkaw. "Nice of you to try and join the land of the living." she said, voice dripping sarcasm yet eyes lighting up with humour and pleasure at finally having chance to sit and have a drink with her old alco-warrior friend. "Have any fun on your way here? 'Coz I think we're gonna have quite a bit of it here!" she added with a quick glance towards the corpse laid on the ground in front of them.
"Can I borrow the block and knife?" came a voice from somewhere behind. Kaz turned to see Penfold preparing a fire and cooking pot in readiness for the corpse.
"There is no way on that abomination is going on my butchers block, and if you even think about trying it, I'll give you the knife alright!!!"
Ahdkaw nearly fell off the edge of the table with laughter, "You haven't changed much have you Kaz!"
"Never bloody will mate." she said grinning at him. "Never bloody intend to." She stood up and walked over to the wall of the pub, moved a couple of planks of wood so they were sat level and even, and settled herself in the sun with a beer and started to skin up, happy with the world in general, for the present at least!

Kaz · Unscroll

Penfold sat back a little way from the fire, good and bloated from a couple of demon steaks. Ahdkaw had been a bit unsure at first but had soon been converted by a succulent bit of rump. Kaz point-blank refused to have anything to do with "badlands beef" and eyed the strips of jerky that were hanging drying from the porch roof with barely concealed disgust.

"That was a maggot imp, and I'm sure you cold of handled it yerself" Penfold looked at Ahdkaw for a minute and then spoke directly to Kaz "Leastways you could, but I'll tell you somthin for free; if theres one of them then there'll be another dozen along soon. They're worse than roaches for that, though at least it keeps you from starvin anyhow."

He took another sip of beer " Anyhow if you folks are gonna be doing any of that magic then this place is gonna be crawling with demons faster'n a hillbilly runnin to a still after the laws gone. Not just these little ones either. So why the hell are you coming all the way out here to set up your college? and is he..." Penfold pointed at Ahdkaw, who was busy scrubbing some of yesterdays vomit off of his shirt "one of your lecturers or what?"

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"The magical residue, and the attention it generates, is the entire point behind establishing the college here." replied Kaz haughtily. "We are not open to just anybody. This is, after all, to be a college of excellence. Applicants will only be forwarded by those who already excel in their field. Whether that field be magic or combat. And, yes, I hope he is one of the instructors, on the combat side."
She continued to stare at Penfold, daring him to retort. She'd had her idea's questioned, her methods scrutinised, her choices condemned - and that was before she got to this god-forsaken hellhole which was 'WestHaven'. Hmpff, some bloody haven!!!!!
She stood and walked into the pub to get some cold beer as the sun had already warmed the bottles they had outside.

Kaz · Unscroll

As if by magic (actually it was magic), a miniscule dot of light appeared, expanding outward until it reached the size of a really large bubble (much like the bubbles in The Prisoner, but yellow and made of light). Then an almighty crack of thunder bellowed across the town before Eldorado Sunshineface appeared from the bubble at the base of the stairs that led up to the entrance of the College of Combat and Magic. The light bubble dissipated around her, like used confetti brushed from a brides gown.

Eldorado checked her limbs for obvious damage or change, it appeared she had fared quite well during her multi-dimensional jump, except that one of her hands had formed into a crablike claw. "Bugger," she thought, "will have to look into fixing that at some point."

Consulting her photographic memory, the only spell she could find required two hands (and no claws). Disappointed, she began to climb the stairway, pulling a golden key from her pocket as she reached the entrance. She unlocked the doors and wandered inside. The hallway was old and musty, pictures frames lined the walls, all containing no images whatsoever. One picture frame was labelled 'Eldorado Sunshineface - Founder', so she removed it from the wall, and pulled out the polaroid of herself which Nub had taken of her all those years ago. She looked young and fresh in that photo, much different from how she was now. Placing the polaroid in the frame, she rehung it in pride of place at the head of the hallway, it would be the first picture anyone would see upon entering. However they would have to get up pretty close to actually see the image.

To the right hand side of the corridor, more stairs led upwards to the staff room and office complex. Eldorado went upstairs, and claimed the first office she came across as her own. There was a large circular oak table within, surrounded by plush chairs, except one at the head of the table that was even plusher. She sat down at the head of the table and perused her surroundings, a window on the East side of the room looked out over the pub of Westhaven, where she could see Kaz sitting in the sun doing what she did best, whilst Penfold was busy cutting up a demon-maggot and stringing the strips up on a nearby tree. Ahdkaw appeared to be scratching his jumper for some reason Eldorado couldn't quite figure. Another window to the North, looked out across the land, stretching out all the way to the Badlands. It would be a good window to watch for demons from she thought.

Not that she could do anything about them if they did turn up. Her magical skills had been virtually decimated due to the loss of her cauldron whilst attempting the highly dangerous multi-jump spell she had just performed. One of the well-known side-effects was the destruction of not only the cauldron itself but also the Operating System residing within it. She would have to find some other method to activate her spells from now on, since there were no other cauldrons as they were lost to the sea of conciousness, along with her fellow witches.

Settling back in her EZ-Recliner, Eldorado spun around to face the condiments table in the corner of the room and poured herself a malt-vinegar.

ahdkaw · Unscroll