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The Discordian Manifesto
Use as toilet paper before reading.
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#3 in a series of 8
how to hunt a fnord
above all to hunt a fnord and be successful you must have an iron will, be chockful of grit, and be very much mad. in addition to these essential characteristics, one should have these other bare essentials*:
- 1 bright green scarf
- 1 very long pole with a very sharp end
- 2 pairs of '3d' glasses(multicolour type)
- 1 reliable digital/analogue watch
- 1 chainsaw
- 1 raincoat
- 1 reliable car(preferably fast)
- 1 large keg of beer
- 1 bottle of tequila(with the worm)
- 6 pounds of flax
* this list is for one person, if one person were enough to take the mighty fnord.
first you must search for recent signs of fnord habitation. signs of fnords range from reports of locals seen or found to have been "ripped in two as if by the jaws of some great beast", to large numbers of traffic accidents. once you have found an area with signs of fnord habitation, you will need the multicolour 3d glasses in order to see it since fnords are naturally invisible.
when you see it you will only see 1/5 of it but, it is the most unimaginably ugliest, disgusting, horrifying, terror inspiring, and vile creature you will ever see. it is 8ft has 16 small eyes surrounding one large, baleful eye, 23 mouths, 8^8 tentacle like arms, six centipede-like legs, is covered by a hair like shag, and excretes a foul smelling pus from its skin. attract it with the green scarf.
you will need the long pole to stab it in the mouth. this will enrage, and confuse it. then you must use the chainsaw to cut off its arms and legs. by this time you will be covered in the fnord's blood and will feel nauseated and befuddled, but continue on!
you must then haul the dead or dying beast and strap it to the roof of your car. find a good spot to have a barbeque, prepare a large firepit and skewer the beast over the pit. rottiserie and season with cannibis, beer, and tequila to taste.
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This post was last edited on the 9th of August, 2009 at 4:02pm
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