- sensibilium
- » writings
- » The Discordian Manifesto
- » #3 in a series of 8
The Discordian Manifesto
Use as toilet paper before reading.
« #2 in a series of six | #00004 in a series of 23 »
#3 in a series of 8
how to hunt a fnord
above all to hunt a fnord and be successful you must have an iron will, be chockful of grit, and be very much mad. in addition to these essential characteristics, one should have these other bare essentials*:
- 1 bright green scarf
- 1 very long pole with a very sharp end
- 2 pairs of '3d' glasses(multicolour type)
- 1 reliable digital/analogue watch
- 1 chainsaw
- 1 raincoat
- 1 reliable car(preferably fast)
- 1 large keg of beer
- 1 bottle of tequila(with the worm)
- 6 pounds of flax
first you must search for recent signs of fnord habitation. signs of fnords range from reports of locals seen or found to have been "ripped in two as if by the jaws of some great beast", to large numbers of traffic accidents. once you have found an area with signs of fnord habitation, you will need the multicolour 3d glasses in order to see it since fnords are naturally invisible.
when you see it you will only see 1/5 of it but, it is the most unimaginably ugliest, disgusting, horrifying, terror inspiring, and vile creature you will ever see. it is 8ft has 16 small eyes surrounding one large, baleful eye, 23 mouths, 8^8 tentacle like arms, six centipede-like legs, is covered by a hair like shag, and excretes a foul smelling pus from its skin. attract it with the green scarf.
you will need the long pole to stab it in the mouth. this will enrage, and confuse it. then you must use the chainsaw to cut off its arms and legs. by this time you will be covered in the fnord's blood and will feel nauseated and befuddled, but continue on!
you must then haul the dead or dying beast and strap it to the roof of your car. find a good spot to have a barbeque, prepare a large firepit and skewer the beast over the pit. rottiserie and season with cannibis, beer, and tequila to taste.
-
This post was last edited on the 9th of August, 2009 at 8:02am
« #2 in a series of six | #00004 in a series of 23 »
There are no comments for this article yet.
Contents
Legal
This
work is licensed under a Creative Commons
Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
Latest Comments RSS
Anonymous: ahh yes, well, that takes a bit more effort to spend time on each server. :P no wonder i don't see...
OblongOrange: In addition to the DNS blocking measures, all my hard SEO work would have been for nothing, as all...
OblongOrange: Excellent post there DK, I was thinking of posting a similar type affair myself, but it looks like...
OblongOrange: Oh, clearly I wasn't aware of that. The prolem still exists though that the people I know that are...
dirtyklingon: you can have like 8 toons per server. this isn't swg bro...
OblongOrange: So I er have made the plunge too. Just waiting on the client to d/l and install. So could be a...
OblongOrange: Thanks for the info, dk. I'm seriously considering going for this. Not sure whether I'd have to pay...
dirtyklingon: * Subscription pricing in the United Kingdom is GBP 8.99 per month, GBP 25.17 for three months (GBP...
dirtyklingon: i can look up the uk sub in GBP for you. i made 2 new videos last night, but they aren't related to...
Mr. Orange: No vids? I know you've uploaded some, or are they coming in another post? Also, can someone let me...
Anonymous: You just have to use the img tag, but I personally would leave it as I have new code that will...
dirtyklingon: @mr orange yeah you need reasonable modern tech to hit hte critical threshold after which point...
OblongOrange: Re-edited as the videos have now been re-instated. Trying to find out what happened, will update...
dirtyklingon: troopers are so OP lol. yeah if you haven't played a wow style mmo before the combat is going to be...
JoseSparrow: So the pull of the force was too strong for me, I was going to wait until the square tangerine was...
Anonymous: Nice vids. I do recognize the spelling :-p Nice to know you are still alive and crazy.
Oh it is...
OblongOrange: Nice vids! I only wish I had the tech to join in. :(...
OblongOrange: Next job: The big one, converting Thud into blog posts, adding the ability to list books as part of...
OblongOrange: More updates completed: Includes comment addition, display, deletion, and validation...
dirtyklingon: the owner can easily get them put back up instantly if they fill out the counter claim form fully...
OblongOrange: Edited this post to take out the embedded videos, and to provide a reason as to what happened...
OblongOrange: done! random characters to defeat character count check...
dirtyklingon: you know, they don't just copy pasta the PD anymore, nowadays they paraphrase scifi writers' books...
dirtyklingon: auth me for blog posts ya git!...
OblongOrange: Looking okay, if not a bit boxy. The thrust nowadays is clean looks I find, perhaps you're trying...
AngusThermopile: Good stuff. I have been redooing jasidog too. Well i say I've been doing it but I've been doing for...
OblongOrange: Well use the password reset form (via login form - will be more obvious in next release).
Ruby...
Anonymous: Who the hell is Ruby? And how come she never posts. I never post cause I have forgotten my...
OblongOrange: I forgot my username at your place, can you DM (twitter) it to me?...
Horab Fibslager: wherein normal cult member says somethign liek that, they ar eimmidately ostracized for it. still...
Version Info:
v11.0.53, 16 Nov 2011
Powered by OTS.
Wasting time since '99.