The Land of Thud
EasyPrint: Probably the best way to read it, in the order they were posted.
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EasyPrint Thud
A revolutionary, never before seen, all-in-one Land of Thud, listed by posting date
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Dated - 18-08-2001 16:10:00
Location - Death Arena
Kaz looks up, shielding her eyes from the sun.
'I don't want to fight you, you dozy bastard. You walked off with my dope again.' she snorted. 'Bollocks, I've stuck my Rizlas wrong!'
Sudden realisation hit Kaz ' 'Ere, where the hell did the crowd come from? This place was empty when I fell asleep!'
Dated - 18-08-2001 16:23:46
Location - Death Arena
Oh yes, I'm sorry, I had to do that. It was very nice too!
The crowd have been here all the time!
Kaz: Oh no they haven't!
Crowd: Oh yes we have!
Kaz: Oh no they haven't!
Crowd: Oh yes we...
Ahdkaw: Oh for gods sake, stop that at once you lot!
Ahdkaw wanders into the crowd and sits down, awaiting the next challenger to enter the Arena.
Dated - 18-08-2001 16:47:01
Location - Death Arena
'Well don't skin up or owt then, will you.' Kaz grumbles under her breath.
Jumping up, she brushes some of the dust off her clothes and announces to anyone listening 'Right, bugger it! I'm off to the pub. Ahdkaw, you coming?
Dated - 19-08-2001 11:13:50
Location - Death Arena
Ahdkaw would like to remind everybody that this place is for battles to the death, if you are not here to fight then please leave the arena floor, and watch from the surrounding-stands. Announcement over. Thank you.
Dated - 19-08-2001 14:52:11
Location - Death Arena
Back on the pale, reality side of the screen, Matneee perused the previous events with growing interest and confusion.
Clearly, there had been the hand of an imposter at work - all the evidence was there plain to see for all. Having hair to pluck strands of anything from was a dead giveaway for a start, having sported a more streamlined look for many, many years, and the death was not fitting for one who had long ago prophecised he would die in a bizzare hoovering accident. And as for poisoning anything alcoholic, well, did you really think I'd stoop to such lowly blasphemy? This fool had deserved to die. Obviously, the balance would have to be redressed.
Without a second thought he jacked into his terminal. Within a matter of minutes, his keen intellect remembered that this wasn't a trashy Cyberpunk novel and feeling slightly foolish, he removed the ISDN plug from where he'd inserted it deep into his left nostril. He continued to type...
A shadow flickered fitfully against the blazing sun, tearing across the landscape, low to the ground with the heavy downdraft raising a trail of dust in it's wake. The assault chopper banked sharply, evidently heading for the squat, dark shape of the arena with it's squat dark inhabitants within. Gaining hight to clear the walls, the 'copter hovered mid-stadium, the dull thrumming of the rotors beating at the ears of the assembled throng. A rope descended and a figure rapelled down, the whole effect and drama only slightly ruined by the brief yet plaintive cry he bore as he remembered all too late that he was scared of hights.
Matneee viewed the arena exulting in the tumultuous roar of the crowd, as he stood squarely in the center resplendent in his armoured trenchcoat. He appeared to be the only combatant present as everybody else had buggered off down the pub. It struck him that this was probably the first time this had ever happened to him in his life. No matter - battle would soon be joined.
"Are there none here who would fight me?" he cried. "Are none stout of heart and thick of skull enough to prove their mettel?"
Slowly pacing, he waited.
Dated - 20-08-2001 10:06:10
Location - Death Arena
Kaz builds a pub outside of the Arena to the left of the entrance.
Dated - 20-08-2001 10:07:43
Location - 'The Death of Minds'
In the glistening light of a new morning, a strange building seemed to have attatched itself to the outer wall of the Arena.
A light breeze caught the sign hanging from two gleaming brass hooks
'The Death of Minds'
Another sign, on the wall, announced that it was a pub licenced to sell beers, wines and spirits.
Kaz smiled to herself. A nice bit of work-womanship had gone into the construction of this fine establishment.
Inside, there was a bar the full length of the back wall, a large open spit at the far end of the room (complete with pig turning over the flames) stone floor and a few tables and benches.
Kaz picked up a brush and a tin of black paint. On the wall behind the bar, she painted the words 'If you want to fight - FUCK OFF OUTSIDE!'
Content with her achievements, she got herself a beer and went and sat on the doorstep.
Kaz.
Dated - 20-08-2001 13:21:14
Location - 'The Death of Minds'
After his truly stupendous victory in The Death Arena against Matneee, and calmly reminding everybody the purpose for said Arena, Ahdkaw decided to look for a bar to drown his happiness in. He didn't have to go very far, as a shiny new building had appeared to left of the Arena entrance, perfectly complimenting Ye Olde Armoury Shoppe on the right.
The sign, glinting in the morning sun, read "The Death of Minds", and was licensed to Kaz, his old drinking buddy and fellow warrior. Kaz was sat drinking a delicious-looking beer on the doorstep.
Kaz: Ah, there you are, welcome to my bar, fancy a drink?
Ahdkaw: Yes please. And let's have a look inside while I'm here, eh?
Kaz: I hope you like it, it took a long time to build this sucker.
Ahdkaw: I'm sure I will.
And with that, Kaz and Ahdkaw entered the bar. Immediately upon entry, Ahdkaw spotted a rather offensive but artistic sign above the bar at the back of the building, but more surprisingly than that, he then noticed a ordinary-looking pig by a huge fire pit. The fact that he/she was turning flames over in the spit made for an interesting picture indeed!
Kaz re-appeared from behind the bar, and handed an ice-cold beer to Ahdkaw.
Kaz: We're really quite lucky really.
Ahdkaw: Why's that then?
Kaz: Well, without electricity in this place, we wouldn't have all our lovely fridges behind the bar. They're a bloody god-send!
Ahdkaw and Kaz then settled down at a table in a corner, and relaxed with their beers. Ahdkaw could still not take his eye's off that weird pig.
Dated - 20-08-2001 13:55:06
Location - 'The Death of Minds'
Kaz looked inquisitively at Ahdkaw 'Why do you keep staring at the pig?' she asked 'Have you never seen an animal being spit-roasted before?'
As the morning passed into afternoon, the two old friends sat and reminisced over old times.
Slowly, more people drifted into the bar, mostly in groups of two or three. Then, mid-afternoon, a crowd of excitable youths came crashing in, pushing each other and jostling for prominent position at the bar. Brian - the barman - looked to Kaz for approval. She nodded and he turned to the group 'Right lads, what can I get you?'
'Five pints.' one of them replied.
They paid for their drinks and sauntered towards the fire pit, banging into the table where Kaz and Ahdkaw where sitting. The table tipped and beer went crashing to the floor. Kaz stood up slowly, a very unimpressed look on her face.
One of the lads just glared at her, as another sneered 'Ooh sor-ry. Didn't mean to.'
Kaz carefully righted the table and turned, glancing at Ahdkaw and Brian, she said 'This is a quiet pub and it's gonna stay that way.'
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Ahdkaw standing in readiness - the exhaustion of his earlier encounter with Matneee forgotten. Brian had positioned himself at the end of the bar cautiosly watching his Mistress.
The group of imbecilic lads showed no sign of backing down, nor had they noticed the two men standing ready to provide back-up if it were needed.
Neither of them doubted Kaz's ability to deal with the unruly group if she had to - but then again - she shouldn't have to!
Dated - 20-08-2001 15:18:57
Location - Death Arena
After more than twenty four hours of standing squarely in the middle of the arena on his own, Matneee began to feel like a bit of an idiot. A bead of sweat trickled down his brow - after all, these armoured trenchcoats were quite heavy going in this weather.
"I have waited long enough and now grow weary." He announced to the crowd. "I must go forth,seek new challanges and generally wander about a bit."
So saying, he attatched a red button to the enterance, marking it "Please push here for impending doom.Thank you.". After toying briefly with the idea of hilarious booby traps involving pits, spikes and grand pianos he turned and left, running a wire from the call-button to the building that had mysteriously sprung up and attatched itself to the arena during the night. In fact against all probability, 2 new buildings seem to have mysteriously appeared since yesterday, raising isued of demarkation and union regulations. He decided he must investigate.
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