The Land of Thud
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EasyPrint Thud
A revolutionary, never before seen, all-in-one Land of Thud, listed by posting date
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Dated - 18-02-2003 08:01:34
Location - The Great Wave of Change
lryic pulled herself over the railing and then turned around to give horab a hand.
'thanks', said horab, who then decided a face plant into the deck was a mighty fine idea. lyric stifled a laugh, then helped him up again. 'yes, well then. that definetly calls for another round. ed! hey ed! where ya at boyo! i need another round here on the double. and hell why not make a double while yer at it' when no reply was forthcoming, horab looked around a moment, and with much caution edged over to the railing of the ship. ed stood there trying to get a good hoof hold on the rope and was having dificulty. lyric realizing there was nothing to be done about drunken men or zebras for that matter reached over and grabbed ed by the mane, hauling him on board.
horab repeated the bit about another round, and the inebriated zebra went to work. suddenly horab became aware of all the activity and a panic about him, and looked to where everyone's gaze was transfixed. all he saw a was a rather mean looking women wabout 200ft or so in the air with a steely gaze in her eye, moving towards them with grit and determination. lyric couldn't stop laughing as horab mumbled on about how he had said it was abad idea to not eat meat and substitute mindless yound conservative loin instead... horab stumbled over to where eld was yelling something at ahdkaw, and asked as politely as possible"is that the big mean lady,e rr what's her name? margeret thatcher? um yeah that's the one, how'd she get so big? and where's ed with those drinks?" eld looked totally stunned at horab who seemed totally ignorant of any kind of immediacy brought on by the 200ft iron lady bearing down on them. she shook him. "damn you man! what the hell are we going to do!" she turned to ahdkaw and repeated her self only much louder, causing horab to wince slightly. horab, paid no attention and was still looking for ed to bring up another, round. eld looked back at him, "what the hell are we going to do!?"
with a most irritating calmness horab replied"well before we do anything, we should most definitely have another round," she gave him one of those looks, causing him to rethink the present course of action, then continued"and perhaps maybe load some motivational speakers onto the catapaults. i went to a motivational seminar once and it stopped me dead in my tracks. oh boy let me tell ya, endless linguistic cliches on the same theme, i mean how many ways can you say the same word uusing six or more other wor..." he rambled on as he lit a smoke, undifferent to the fact that eld was now running over to where ahdkaw stood looking frantic."load some motivational speakers into the catapaults! she yelled into his ear. ahdkaw fell backwards at this, and then stood up again said"huh?"
"put some motivational speakers into the catapaults, and shoot them at her!, it's the only way!" ahdkaw, still reeling from the fact that a 200 ft margaret thatcher was coming at them with tremendous speed, shouted out the order,"ready the motivational speakers!!!!!"...
meanwhile, horab wandered around the ship in search of another round, occasionally muttering about this or that or striking up a conversation with one of the sailors as they hurried about doing stuff that sailors do. ed appeared with a few pints of golden lager and handed horab one. "so what took ya so long there buddy? it's been ages!" asked horab with a slap to ed's back. ed's threw back a shot and chased it with a pint,"i got the round, then on the way back i got mugged by matneee. he's pretty tough for being tied to the mast and all" he replied. sounds like a mighty fine idea, let's go so what the poor bugger is up to, shall we?" and the meandered around the ship looking for the mast, and gebnerally getting in the way of the sailors as they hurried to and fro.
Dated - 22-02-2003 02:14:55
Location - The Great Wave of Change
Meanwhile, Matneee had been busy in the oil well. Quite why a perfectly good ocean-going ship should have an oil well within it's bilges is anyones guess, but it seemed to have one none the less. To be frank, he was also begining so be suspicious of all the signposts in the lower deck. "Oil well" they say. "Magical Land of Scrumptiousness" they read. And the door that looks almost exactly like a wardrobe, well, surely we've all seen that one before 
Ignoring his childdhood warnings, Matneee decides to open the Wardrobe. A chilled breeze blows diamond-dust ice crystals disarmingly before him. Inviting curiosity. This is not your average run of the mill, ho-hum, usual wardrobe, after all. So he steps through the wardrobe. A certain slight shift in perspective occurs...
"An odd place to put a lampost." thinks Matneee. "But most illuminating."
"Yes."agrees the Snow Queen, almost reading his mind. "Would you like some turkish Delight?" she continued. After all, she was an old hand at this role, and knew her script well.
"I do not like Turkish Delight." replies the betrenchcoated one.
"Hold on, according to the rules, you must do. All chidren passing through the wardrobe do. It is the unwritten law." The Snow Queen is looking not just a litle bit worried now.
"Ah, but no child am I." counters Matneee. "I am many years of age and also know not why I speak in this pseudo olde-worlde speak."
The Snow Queen dissapears into her previously unmentioned sled to confer with her entourage of improbable fairytale creatures. Much muttering is herd. Eventually she returns.
"OK then, what do you want?" She speaks.
"Well, I'm not quite sure yet" comes words from the mouth of trenchcoat. "But I believe you may be able to have some fun on the other side of this wardrobe if you follow me. Oh, the sycophantic faun has just got to go though, by the way..."
Dated - 27-03-2003 22:06:37
Location - The Great Wave of Change
chapter 4:folding space is easier than folding laundry
margaret thatcher bore down upon the happless lost heroes of thud, exuding a general state of horror and fear as she made horrifying giant moster like noises. salvo after salvo of motivational speaker had only enraged and motivated the giant iron lady, and she was now nearly in striking distance of OTS Whereangelsfear and the OTS Betweenthedeviland. suddenly, a loud and annoying wailind sound started and everyone who already had their ears covered, covered them even tighter.
suddenly the wailing died off, a and instantly a police booth appeared on deack, causing everyone to gasp in astonishment. the door opened and out walked nub hizlak.
nub shouted, "everyone in!"
penfold shouted back, "how do ya expect all of us to fit in there? it's only a bloody police booth!"
suddenly margaret thatcher made a karate chop decapitating the masts of one of the ships. this caused everyone to run towards the police booth and get inside.
horab staggered into the booth and was to stunned to see that the police booth was far roomier on the inside than it was on the outside. "hey nub, where'd you get this thing?"
"you bought it," replied nub.
"i bought it? from who?"
"yes sir. from some doctor or another. you didn't say his name."
"ah well alrighty then, do whatever fancy hooha ya did earlier to make this appear out of thin air, and make it disappear back into thin air. nub flicked a few switches, turned a dial, and pusehed few buttons, then hit turned another dial. just as margaret thatcher's hand came down in a karate chop across the ship's bow, smashing the keel and ripping the ship in two, the police booth blinked out of existence.
Dated - 05-04-2003 21:03:50
Location - The Great Wave of Change
"Another drink?"
"Don't mind if I do", Ahdkaw turned and took the bottle of beer, "Thanks nub."
The squirrel merely blinked before wandering off to play with the buttons some more.
Ahdkaw was sat in one corner of the weird police booth thing they were in, his feet were resting on a round metallic table which was bolted to the floor, "How many fucking police could you fit in here? You could get loads in here, at least a hundred!"
"Oh yeah, you could prolly get a couple more than that" horab replied, "but the bloke I bought it from was a doctor not a policeman, or so nub tells me, I forget these things"
"Still, pretty darn handy," Ahdkaw said looking around.
"I don't know how this damn thing works!" nub threw the sonic screwdriver against the wall.
"Can't you control this thing?" Penfold asked.
"No," nub looked over, "I can do that, it's them damn sonic screwdrivers, bloody pain to use"
"Do you need to use it?"
"No"
"Where are we going by the way?" Lyric had a point.
"Um... dunno" Horab rubbed his chin, "where you wanna go?"
Dated - 14-04-2003 04:39:21
Location - The Great Wave of Change
Someplace warm and weird and not hell either. We went there last year 
Are you two the only ones getting drinks?
Dated - 16-04-2003 11:28:56
Location - The Great Wave of Change
exucse ths off dtory psot to wonder if we shoudl ducicuss the chracter bit in the cafe.. whic is to say, whoand what, if any character surver margerat thatcher?( she's a tough oen afer all... 
Dated - 21-05-2003 16:35:44
Location - The Great Wave of Change
Tell you what Horab, unless we can mount a rescue for Arizu, Thud is slipping down the dark slope. 
Ak's fingers are broke. Pendo the Great is too busy perving nubile nubian maidens. I say you and I should go on holiday and the rest of them can get stuffed
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