The Land of Thud

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Ye Olde Suburb of DOOM

Started on 17-04-2002 21:11:18 GMT

horab was tired. he had dranken far too much and the all the encounters with single minded sqirrels hadn't helped things either.
he had one thing on his mind at that was too find his house with the secret laboratory in the basements and fall on that rather comfortable but smelly couch in the living room and pass out. of course this might be difficult as the world was abit spinny, and apparently due to all the attacks by evil and the like, there were no street lights anywhere.
horab walked around aimlessly, sometimes singing a newfie jig to himself, and sometime firing off his pistols at shadows and squirrels, until he spied some street lights which had not been attacked by the 'dark and insidious' forces of evil.

he went that way.

horab noticed that he had come across a suburb, where the streets were all windy(not like lots of wind but very curvular or something...) and the houses were all colour coordinated with freshly trimmed lawns and the like. horab walked through along a stret, recalling that his house had been near some construction for new housing, and figured that this might lead him back to his comfy couch.

after walking for what seemed like hours, horab looked at his watch and discovered that he had been walking for hours. it was 5am and all the houses and streets looked the same wherever he went. the street names didn't hjelp either as they were all variation on the same theme. now one might think that ol' hoprab had sobered up by now, but he had thought ahead to getting lost and had bropught extra beers with him just in case such an occurence happened.
but now he was fighting sleep, and horab had had a rather good relationship with sleep for a long time, and didn't want to fool around with such a good thing, so he made his jacket into a pillow and curled up on one of the well manicured lawns....

long lally tobkids, the special, sporting a fine breast of medals, and concientious scripture reader to boot in the brick and tin choorcg around the coroner, swore like a Norwheezian tailliur on the right stand...

Reply on 18/04/2002 09:15:59

Arizu walked carefully across the perfect lawn, stepping softly and even holding her sword up instead of dragging it across the inmaculate flowerbeds full of inmaculate tulips. She then proceeded to kick horab in the ribs. But this she did for his own good since Arizu knew the perfect house in the terracota sunrise suburb, with all the tulips and the lace, happened to belong to one known as lyric, who would surely bring her wrath upon both of them if she found them on her lawn, or at least throw a hissy fit.

"Wake up you twat, I mean, honourable sir."

Suicide bombers strike again.

Reply on 18/04/2002 11:00:27

Ahdkaw awoke from his slumber, he could hear what sounded like shuffling near to his house, mumblings were also heard. Ahdkaw looked at his alarm clock. 3AM. Damn kids! Don't they realise people are trying to sleep in here. He struggled out of bed, sitting on the edge and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, immediately lighting the pre-rolled spliff located on the bedside table.

That was good... The anger at being woken so early slowly dissipating into a distant memory.

He finally got up off the bed, and nonchalantly strolled over to the window wearing nothing more than his Donkey Capers ? pyjamas on. Pulling the curtain back, Ahdkaw could see nothing but darkness, and the sounds seemed to have stopped.

Ahdkaw reached for the street-light switch, and suddenly the whole suburb was lit up. He peered through the window again but there was nobody to see.

'Odd', he thought, and proceeded toward the kitchen.

Ahdkaw's kitchen was very large and modern, he had a microwave in the corner (at least it was there last night...), and all manner of stainless steel utensils hanging from the magnetic strips running around the entirity of the kitchen.

Upon opening the fridge, Ahdkaw heard another sound outside his house, and rushed to the window, peering out. Again, he was too late. Whoever it was, Ahdkaw wouldn't find out this time.

He returned to the kitchen and settled down to a nice donkey pie, warmed in the oven due the magically disappearing microwave not appearing. During cooking, Ahdkaw must have run to the window no less than 20 times! But every time, the streets were empty.

After finishing his meal, and several more visits to the window, Ahdkaw rolled another spliff, and settled back in his Shakletons High-Seat Chair left to him by Matneee's great Aunt who died in mysterious circumstances under Ahdkaws house yesterday.

He looked at the clock. My! How time had flyed. It was already 5am and the sun was starting the rise.

Suddenly, all the bells and whistles within Ahdkaws house start wheezing and moaning. They were connected to all the lawns within the suburb and would identify and also pinpoint any lawn-walkers. The light above all the switches and knobs and dials stated in big red flashing letters, "LYRIC".

Ahdkaw got up quickity-snap, and headed for the door, picking up his double-barrelled shotgun on the way out.

Stepping outside the house, Ahdkaw spotted not one person but TWO people hanging around on Lyrics lawn! One of them looked to be sleeping too. As he began wandering over, loading shells all the while, he could see the standing individual kick the sleeper, and shout something about it being Lyrics lawn.

Ahdkaw noticeably relaxed. As he got closer his vision de-blurred and he realised that it was Arizu & Horab! Why was Horab sleeping on Lyrics lawn? He only lives next door after all.

Ahdkaw
"The only thing that helps me maintain my slender grip on reality is the friendship I share with my collection of singing potatoes."
Holly, Red Dwarf

Reply on 19/04/2002 12:17:16

Arizu poked Horab with her 7ft long broadsword a couple a times trying to wake him up but to no avail.
"Drunk." She muttered under her breath, visibly annoyed. Not very far away she saw ahdkaw walking towards them, carrying a shot gun. Arizu quickly started digging around her pockets for her wallet.

"Look ahdkaw, if its about your microwave, I'm sorry, but um,I wanted to find out what happened when you put tinfoil and a couple of those stainless steel knifes in it. I'll buy you a new one, there's no need to get violent about it." She paused, noticing his donkey capers pyjmas with a smirk.
"What are those?"

Suicide bombers strike again.

Reply on 19/04/2002 19:28:34

horab was woken up by all the commotion and realized he had a terrible hangover. before anyone had noticed he was awake he inhaled a splif and a glass of water, then rolled back over and was out again.

long lally tobkids, the special, sporting a fine breast of medals, and concientious scripture reader to boot in the brick and tin choorcg around the coroner, swore like a Norwheezian tailliur on the right stand...

Reply on 25/04/2002 12:47:06

Arizu only just managed to see Horab rolling over out of the corner of her eye along with a couple of lepraucons(sp?).
"Oh no you don't."
She picked him up by the shoulders and shook him about a bit.
"I've got important news, I'm not in this place for the riveting battle sequences you know."

Suicide bombers strike again.

Reply on 26/04/2002 23:15:35

noticing that he was being dragged up, horab awoke with a start. lighting up a smoke he noticed that he had passed out on lyric's front lawn. he also noticed that his mansion had somehow been sorounded by a menacing looking suburb.
horab muttered:what the hell?
then he noticed the crowd stranding around him and the sinister looking leprechauns. having seen the trailer for the thriller leprechaun too many times and as youngen, he instinctively itched towards his pistols, not knwoing whether the wiley wee ones were there to grant wishes and bring luck or to visit indescribable havoc upon thud and generally cause a ruckus.
taking a rather dramatic drag on his smoke, horab looked around
horab: good morning everyone, why does my head still hurt? and for that matter why do my ribs hurt?

the st. cuckaracha drunken fanatics mob, saving souls one lynching at a time

Reply on 27/04/2002 10:31:01

Um, you prabably drank too much and your ribs have expanded. I'm sure its not the effect of anyone kicking you or anything like that.
Ehem, well doesn't anyone want to know my exciting news?

Arizu flashes a malicious grin at horab.

I know horabs terrible, terrible secret

Suicide bombers strike again.

Reply on 27/04/2002 17:21:29

horab looks genuinely shocked, confused, beffudled, tired, hungover, and dumb, all in one expression.

horab:secret? i have a terrible secret? well it must be really top notch then, let's hear it.

the st. cuckaracha drunken fanatics mob, saving souls one lynching at a time

Reply on 28/04/2002 14:56:22

Having had his fill at The Death of Minds Tarjeib found himself wandering aimlessly around in a suburb of disturbing proportions. He became aware of leprechaun whispers in the air. Tarjeib had to find a bench to clear his head.
A little patch of fog came crawling down the road, and engulfed a bush by the pavement. When the fog dissipated a bench appeared, and Tarjeib had a seat. Whilst sitting there Tarjeib remembered where he lived. It wasn't far. When he got up from the bench he realized it wasn't a bench, but a bush.
There were footprints and an odd line (sword being dragged?) on Tarjeib's lawn. Not thinking much more about it, he went into his tower; Ygg, as he was fond of calling his home. He put his briefcase by the door, and went up the stairs. The many, many stairs.
Once in his chamber he checked his suburb-lighting panel. The 'dark and insidious' forces of evil weren't putting up much of a fight today. It's probably busy cracking it's whip at Keith, Tarjeib thought, and looked out to the streets below.
A flock of DOOM guardsmen coming down the road were thoroughly ignoring the leprechauns pulling at their clothes. Probably strung out on speed. Not being sure if it pertained to the guards and/or the leprechauns Tarjeib sat in his chair and waited.
Waited for anything French.

"If you find you are falling into madness - dive!" Malkavian proverb

Reply on 29/04/2002 09:31:52

Dark clouds started gathering above their heads as Arizu started telling them about Horab's terrible, dark secret, so secret even Horab didn't know about it.

"It all started on a lazy sunday evening, when I was searching through the private public records, as you do. I was bemused when i stumbled across Horab's records. But what I found horrified me."

*Switches to slow, omnous voice.*

"Horab is Jamie Oliver's(cue thunder) not so evil brother! Oh and for the simple price of a life long supply of beer I won't divulge your middle name *<img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle>

Suicide bombers strike again.

Reply on 29/04/2002 15:27:03

looking rather beffudled and feeling altogether confused, horab drops to his knees and looks at the sky
horab NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!


horab:one middle name isn't so bad i spose, but you'll never know the other too.

a wide devilish grin spreads acorss horab's face.

the st. cuckaracha drunken fanatics mob, saving souls one lynching at a time

Reply on 30/04/2002 12:50:00

lyric wakes up to a lot of noise. What the...she lights a cig and looks out her front window. hmmm,there are a lot of people tramping about on her perfect lawn and squashing her 300 perfect tulips Her friend Horab had installed his invention..Pest Awayin her lawn as a beta trial. lyric pushes the big red button. Holes open up under each person. The patented Horab-away™ sucks them down through the earth and sends them flying in tunnels to Horab's lab. They pop up inside cages. The earth slides back and lyric's lawn is once more perfect. The squashed tulips are pulled down and perfect replacements pop up in their place "Right, that is much better" Thanks, Horab. lyric goes back to bed. In her perfect bedroom where sheets, walls, floors and bedding all match. In fact when she lays down she is almost invisible Which is probably all for the best, as mornings are not her best time of day
In the mean time the lawn rowdy's find themselves locked in cells in Horab's lab. Even with a Matneee sized hangover, Horab knows they are in big trouble. Soon the auto lab will start dissecting them Arizu shakes Horab violently...DO SOMETHING YOU GIT before we are minced. The others state at Horab and lose hope as he YAWNS at them and tries to go back to sleep.....

Where Moderators Come To Be Bad

Reply on 30/04/2002 19:09:19

Kicking out time had once more been and gone at the Death of Minds, and once more Matneee wove his unsteady way home propelled by the power of his faithful motorised sofa. A luxurious but totally ludicrous method of transport, he felt if fitted him greatly and was also economical to boot since he configured it to run off surplus AOL discs and internet pronography. Due to this new fuel it was now in fact reckoned to be 382% efficient and he profitably sold the extra power to run the fridges in the Death of Minds. Admitedly he should have been off fighting the forces of darkness and saving the world from the terror of multiple Keiths, but this project had seemed so more urgent at the time.

Obviously, he'd managed to get somewhat lost on his meanderings and had turned into a previously none-existant suburb. But long ago had he ceased to wory about the strange propensity for strange new buildings to shoot up overnight in the Land of Thud. It was just part of the territory really. 'Suburb of Doom' the sign post read. Clearly a place of ill repute, populated by denizens of shady character and low moral fibre. They'd let anyone live in these parts these days, after all.

More or less negotiating the corner, he turned to face a street destinguished by three shabby homunculi shambling about on a lawn. AK he recognised from past skirmishes and was so unsuprised to see him brandishing his usual shotgun. The other two - one virtually catatonic and the other wielding an improbably large sword - were faces new to him.

It was some suprise then that he saw this disheviled trio inexplicably vanish without trace into what before had appeared to be a perfectly manicured lawn.
'Strange things are afoot!' he thought. 'This could be the work of Keith! I'd better investigate..'
So saying, he pulled his sofa up to the curb and dismounting with a flourish of his recently re-armoured trenchcoat, he strode up the relevent garden path and mindfull of sudenly appearing holes or other devices, tentitively knocked on the door...

"Are you saying they all died mysteriously?"

Reply on 01/05/2002 09:39:02

(Im surprised lyric, thats exactly what Id do. Youre one of the few people who havent quoted me out of context! Congratulations and salutations!)

Horab Im too younge to die!!!! Think of all the things and people I havent done! All the food I havent tasted, all the booze Im not going to consume, all the scoundrels Im not going to slice in two!

Plus you need to go on a quest to stop Jamie Olivers (cue thunder outside)reign of terror.

*In whinny girly voice* Ahdkaw, tell hiiiiiiiiiiiim.

Suicide bombers strike again.

Reply on 02/05/2002 00:15:33

horab finally wakes up to see arizu, ahdkaw, and a couple of leprechauns in the newish hold-a-pest conatiners. a few moments later he realized that he too was contained in such a container.
it had eben a while since he had been down to the labs, since it was far to easy to get lost, adn soemtimes the rather nasty creatures got loose and ate the robots(and each other).

arizu and ahdkaw looked at him with disparing looks and the leprechauns were busy fighting with each other.
altogether too hung over to deal with such teror and horror as having his genes resequenced and combined with the other occupants, horab decided it might be a good idea to get out of the container before the glitchy robots came and did their thing.

unfortunately, horab had desigened the containers to absolutely unescapable, even by superintelligent type creatures. horab scratched his head and lit up a smoke.
looking at arizu and ahdkaw, horab says: well i should have yall know, there's no finer folk anywhere i'd rather be genetically combined with.
the two looked very angrily at horab, causing him to look in no particualr direction.


hey hey carmalina, i've become spec-tacular! which is strange because i feeel dumb!

Reply on 02/05/2002 19:10:53

Ahdkaws foot hurt. The descent from Lyrics front lawn to Horabs lab, had been quite unexpected, and upon arriving at said Lab, he landed a bit funny, causing him to yell in pain and rip his Donkey Capers pyjama bottoms.

Lying on the floor, writhing around in temporary pain, he had of course failed to notice the destruction of his favourite pyjama pants. Eventually the pain subsided and Ahdkaw stood up.

He looked around the strange place he found himself in, he could see a couple of leprechauns fighting in a cage at the far end of the room, but thought nothing of it. Slowly rotating in his rather small cage, his eyes caught the sight of Horab who seemed a little too relaxed considering the position he was in. Ahdkaw watched Horab as he reached into his pocket and pulling a cigarette out and lighting it, Ahdkaw began to crave...

Continuing his rotation, Ahdkaws eyes settled on a very concerned- looking Arizu, who seemed to be expecting Horab to do something to get them out of this pickle. Ahdkaw was amused by this, after all, it was Horab that had got them into this mess in the first place, and there was no reason to believe that he could get them out.

Arizu turned to look over at Ahdkaw, she looked like she was in shock, "Pull yer pants up yer fool, we can see your extremities!", she called over. Ahdkaw looked down, for the first time realising that his yellow and brown stained underwear were showing. They were beginning to smell too...

Ahdkaw had an idea! Quickly turning round, he removed his sticky underwear, and then then pulled his pyjama pants back on. Turning back round, with a hint of glee in his eyes, he began to call to Arizu and Horab. Unfortunately it appeared that they had both been violently sick and passed out...

Unabashed, and thinking only of freedom, Ahdkaw rubbed his underwear on the cage. Almost instantly, a loud hissing sound was heard, smoke curled up from his underwear, the cage creaked and groaned and finally gave way. Free at last, Ahdkaw strolled over to the cage holding Horab, and stole a cigarette from his top pocket.

Ahdkaw settled back, resting against Horabs cage, lit his cigarette, and inhaled deeply, "Ahhhhhhh....".

Ahdkaw
Holly(ships computer): Abandon ship! Abandon ship! This is not a drill. This is a drill.
Red Dwarf

Reply on 07/05/2002 08:59:03

Arizu woke up feeling like she had a toad stuck in her throat. The last thing she could remember was ahdkaw's undergarments which brought on a new wave of nausea.

"2 words Kaw, personal hygiene."

More out of habit than anything else, she slapped Horab around a bit to see if he hadn't choked on his own toungue.

Two little dicky birds sitting ona wall, one named Peter one named Paul.
Fly away Peter, fly away Paul, no more little dicky birds, shit all over the wall.

Reply on 11/05/2002 02:00:42

after what seemed like days, ahdkaw finished his stollen smoke, then muttering something about "holidays", he suddenly vanished.
arizu looked at horab and started yelling
arizu:why can't you do that!!!, we're gonna die in here!
horab:well i've just forgotten about my deal thingy is all
arizu:i'm not really sure the last thing i wanna hear about is your "thingy"
horab:no no. my err instant location modifier. it's in my pocket.

horab pulled out the intant location modifier and moddified the location...

take me to your lizard

Reply on 11/05/2002 04:00:33

"I'll take that instant location modifier thingie" proclaimed brooks as she snatched it from Horab's hot little hands. She flipped it over, fiddled with the circuitry and closed it with a satisfied "Ah hah!"

As she freed Arizu and Horab, she waved the device at them. "It's quite useful now, we can find any chocy in the Land of Thud!"

"So try to find a sporran with a mouth you can get your hand into."

Reply on 22/05/2002 17:40:44

horab studied the many, many screens and flashy lights and knobs potruding from the wall in front of him. the probaility of things was becoming very muddled in thud, not a total surprise given the propensity for buildings to appear out of nowhere. one thing irritated horab though, and that was his own probability. it seemed that he was becoming more and more probable. this probably had soemthing to do with the instant location modifier.
multiple horabs- horab thought, -is bad for the bar bill.
horab was ever more mesmerized by the flashy lights and many many monitors, and decided that if he would try to figure out the solution to the problem, if this was indeed a problem, he should be drunk, possibly sober, but not baked out of his skull as he was now.

horab forgot all about the other horabs and began playing a video game on his mega-super-computer.

i'm on a roll
im ona roll, this time
i feeeel my luck could change...

Reply on 26/05/2002 13:40:52

Tired and a little inebriated, but satisfyingly full of 'Young Conservative Flavour' Quorn steak, Noetic fumbles her keys out of her bloodstained coat pocket and unlocks the front door to her temple-style mini-mansion.

A floating piranha (unlike the other demonic pets, the piranhas had insisted on staying at Noetic's house) floats up to her with a very sorry look in his eyes. She pats him on the back and gets a pack of Young Conservative Scratchings out of her pocket.
"It's okay Winston, I'll have it fixed soon. But next time save it for the paying customers, okay?"

Four other floating fish come creeping out of their hidey-holes and joyfully devour the Young Conservative Scratchings, while Noetic proceeds to unlock the cellar door, opens the Thud-O-Matic3000 ™ box and and assembles the sparkling new Cloning Gun.

Not quite eager to read the manual, she simply points the gun at the stubble of her left arm, sets it to 'restore' and presses the bright pink button.

*Zap* goes the gun, but apart from a slight tingle in her arm region, nothing specific happens. Noetic shrugs and wobbles upstairs to immediately plummet into her large, comfy bed.
A handful of floating fish cuddle up to her, and she soon drifts off into the land of Nod...


Gimme some chinchillas or I'll scream!

Reply on 31/05/2002 02:49:03

deep in horab's underground lab complex...

horab looked at waht he had made. the thing was unlike anything he had ever created before. this is a dangerouis thing - he thought -best ot keep it out of the wrong hands. horab slipped the thing in his pocket, and walked out the door...


sanguis bibimus
corpus edimus
ave versus christi
ave SATANI!

Reply on 05/06/2002 18:54:55

$40,000,000 Loan
Yes a no questions asked chance....
Congratulations
You have won a once in a lifetime chance to give people your credit card details...

The bombardment of the city begins...

Sexy Samantha wants your$$$$$
Yes for only $120 00 per month you can have FREE...

People run screaming from their houses as the spam falls, soon it is knee high, the noise of it rendering all communication impossible...

Please Help
I am a poor riporf merchant struggling under massive debts
This is a chain Letter
if you break the chain then you may be overwhelmed with oceans of dodgy emails
VIRUS ALERT
Please forward this email to people you don't know, dont virus check it first you havn't time...

Those who fall over are lost to the world, microspam invading their orifices, quickly destroying all neural communication. A horrible way to go...

This is NOT a pyramid selling scheme
What happens is that you sell our product to people who sell our...
This is not a chain letter
Just send this email to ten people you know....

An army of keiths in spamsuits and fedoras move into the suburb...

Reply on 06/06/2002 00:02:02

horab woke up to alot of irritating advertsing. it wsa annoying at best, since horab was almost totally immune to the effects of such things, but it was still really annoying.

he lit up a smoke and stepped into the shower. inside awaited a one of those chegwins wearing a fedora and a sign selling dairy queen hamburgers. horab loooked at the the fellow, who looked back at him with a look that meant that the chegwin sincerely and whole heartedly wanted to sell him those hamburgers. horab took a long drag off his smoke, then shot the bastard with his smite-o-kill ray pistol. the chegwin disappeared into oblivion. horab then went on with havin ghis shower.
as horab belted out a a stirring rendition of 'strangers in the night', he though tot himself of the strange occurence. he reached for the h+s and was handed some pert instead. he peaked outside the shower curtain, and seeing another fedora clad chegwin, shot his ray gun at him too, smiting him instantly, and without missing his rhythm. horab returned to his ponderage. if the chegwins had broken into his home, he thought, then it was likely that the fit was hitting the shan outside.


meanwhile in another part of horab's extremely large old mansion...

nub groswik was a hard working squirrel. his mother-bot had always told him that. but this went beyond hard work. horab's master butler had already removed 300 unwanted house guests in betwwen the horrendous advertising mess that was spilling through the windows. nub erected the ad-out forcefields. blue light shimmered across the buckling windows, but held. nub sighed. what a bloody mess he thought. he then went back to sweeping up the completely usueless pile of offers and halfbaked scams that were beginning to stain the very nice shag carpetting.

toke without haste

Reply on 08/06/2002 23:16:52

The Last of the Refugees head south towards the death arena leaving only horab and his minions alone in their mansion. Behind the first wave of chegwins come a horde of spamwarriors, chegwins with spam in their very genetic code...

Reply on 10/06/2002 17:36:38

Not quite the last

Again lyric was woken up by loud noises in the front yard. Hell and damn it all she mumbled as she got out of bed. Looking out her window she saw row after row of Spam infected chegwins marching down the road and all over her perfect lawn
Whipping out her Martha Stewart {tm} It's A Good Thing, guide book she looks under Chegwins and Spam. Ahh Haa...lyric races down to the kitchen and gets out her Martha Stewart ™ ginzu knife kit. She turns on the outside grill and begins slicing and dicing chegwins. Flipping the parts onto the grill. Soon the smell of grilled Spam fills the neighborhood...gasp gag gasp...slicing and dicing she backs up to Horab's mansion. Surely Professor Horab has the solution to the spam infected chegwins. Just as she makes the front door. Horab's butler opens the door and sweeps out a load of spam. The sticky spam wraps itself around lyrics legs and she falls to the ground..chegwins are getting nearer with there spam guns
HORAB LET ME IN...NOW closer and closer they come. franticly trying to disengage her legs from the goo...HELPPPPPPP

Where Moderators Come To Be Bad

Reply on 11/06/2002 15:00:36

Arizu sliced diced and carved her way through the army of spam chegwins followed by the runt, who was also helpfully munching on everything that moved, unfortunately this included a couple of unfortunate leprachons. And she only stopped to look at a weight loss product pyramid scheme, after which she quickly regained reason and stabed the damned chegwin.

However there were far too many of the spam demon clones, Arizu's arms were getting tired and Runt was quickly filling up. They needed to get to Horabs house as quickly as possible. But the suburbs were so damged by the posters, leaflets and other advertisements the foul chegwins had littered the streets with that Arizu couldnt tell where she was going.

Just as Arizu thought they might have to seek refuge in one of the abandoned buildings, Runt heard Lyric screaming for help. Granted, it thought it might be an easy meal, but it still lead Arizu to Horabs front door. "Hey Lyric!" was the chirpy battle cry that she roared (okay chirped) as she demolished the platoon of spam soldiers.
"Arizu, we have to get inside."
"No problem", and with that she kicked down the door...or tried to, but she wasn t counting on horabs police lock. After withering in pain, clutching her knee leg for a few moments she got up and carved the door into non-existance, and the three of them ran inside.

Sith Lords kick ass!

Reply on 12/06/2002 02:01:58

where they were confronted by horab's butler, nub grozwik, who was just about ot answer the door. had nub not been a squirrel he would have surely been trampled over. instead, nub jumped ran up the wall and on to a nearby piece of furniture. as arizu, lyric, and the runt ran into the lobby area, a dukll metal door replaced the old wooden one from the floor.

nub:would anyone like a drink?
everyone: yes!
nub:the drinking room is over there.
nub pointed in a vague sort of way, then scurried off to fix the drinks.

lyric and arizu wandered around looking for a good place to sit. the mansion was extremely large, however, and they were still wandering around the place when nub returned with some tom collinses.
arizu:where's horab?
nub:master horab is not here. he's gone out to lunch.
arizu:what the other horabs?
nub:nope horab is not here.
arizu:well, we need an army.
nub grinned a squirrley grin.
nub:an army we have, follow me.
he led them to a service elevator, once the group was inside of which, it suddenly began to move downward at a high rate of acceleration. lyric looked at the squirrel, who did not seem at all alarmed by this occurance.
the elevator suddnely stopped, and in a pleasant voice said:
welcome to level 58 complex g.
the door opened and the grouip walked through...

toke without haste

Reply on 13/06/2002 10:33:28

Arizu looked around, quite impressed.
a-Wow Horab has a geofront!
She ran around imitating scenes from evangelion and the voices from the spanish version.
"Se le pide a todo el personal tomar sus puestos de combate!
Shinji tienes que subir al Eva. Pero no quiero! No seas cobarde!"
Nub and lyric looked at each other with raised eyebrows.
Arizu's giggling admiration of the facilities was stopped when she bumped into a huge glass container. It was filled with a green septic fliud and inside was a dark, omnious figure.
Nub- about this army...
Lyric- Well when is horab coming back? And where exactly has he gone to lunch? The spam cafe?
Arizu- Yes now that you mention it lyric this does seem a tad suspicious.
She picked up the squirel by the scruff of the neck and dangled it in front of a slobbering Runt.
A-Now mr squirrly butler, you either tell us where horab really is so he can explain this army in detail or you pick which head youd prefer as the instrument of your demise and we find him ourselves. HAHAHAHAHA
Lyric snatched the squirel out of Arizu's hand much to runts dissapointment.
l- ARIZU!
a-What?!



Sith Lords kick ass!

Reply on 13/06/2002 14:06:47

The Floor IS MOVING

The damn squrriel is the only one who knows what is happening. Runt will have to wait for his meal
The fluid in the tank begins to bubble up and the dark shape seems to be moving. Arizu, "I got a bad feeling about this." "what the hell are you grinning about squrriel?" Never trust a rodent
Horab If you don't get back here, lunch will be your last supper. Aruzi and lyric start backing away from the bubbling glass tube.Rumbling sounds fill the air. The sounds of groaning machinery howls at them...The Elevator is GONE they say together. The squrriel his grinning like a fiend at them.......

Where Moderators Come To Be Bad

Reply on 14/06/2002 02:13:10

nub:horab doesn't say where's he's going to lunch ever i'm afraid, now if you'll just put me down a moment, the floor will stop moving.
arizu puts the squirrel down.
arizu:well then?
nub smiles a very squirrely grin.
nub: master horab leaves all his business to me when he is out. now to the army.
they walk down a corrdor, then a nother corrdor, then a nother, and then many more...
lyric:are we actually goinf anywhere?
nub: oh yes, and quite far too.
lyric rolled her eyes at the squirrel, who grinned even wider. they stopped in front of a door. it opened and nub motioned them through. what met their sight was not like anything they had ever seen before. for miles on either side of a walkway, horabs of all ages were being grown, educated and armed. lyric and arizu looked at eachother in astonishment.
nub:as you can see, we are nealry completed the first element of the army.
arizu:they are clones?
nub , after master horab fought with them at the clonging plant, he got an idea and this is the result.
lyirc:a million horabs running around, just what we need...
nub:with the exceptiionn of fight skills, the clones are vastly different than horab. they are far more sane, less independent, don't drink or smoke pot, and take any order set persons give them.
arizu grins a devilish grin.
arizu:anything?
nub:that is correct.
they came to an area where the clones were being sealed in brown combat suits.
lyric:is that the new armor horab was talking about?
nub , guranteed to last longer than the wearer. the clones them selves are also very long lasting. when they are killed, their bio-matter will return to a collector for recycling, or under speciall circumstances, can reform into more powerful things.
arizu:what are they armed with?
nub:the latest in personal amrament of course. each clone carries a crowd-destoyer rifle. others carry smite-o-zap pistols and customizable rpg launchers.
lyirc: when can i get one for my house?
nub: as soon as this order is done, master horab left plans for a battle group to patrol the suburbs until the threat was gone.
lyric:so...
nub:will tomorrow morning be soon enough?
lyric:do they cook and clean?
nub:best bkalava ya ever tasted. now if you'll follow me, there are more refreshements up ahead.
clones began loading into armored personal carriers as the group moved on.

i play russian roulette everyday,
a man's sport,
with a bullet called life, yeah mama called life
you know everytime that i try to go, where i really want to be, it's already where i am,
cause i'm already there

Reply on 14/06/2002 13:38:36

Arizu didn't waste any time in picking out 3 of the horabs and ordering them to follow her. "Personal assistants! was her reply to nubs questioning look.

They entered a large study and sat around a huge table with a map of thud in the center. By the looks oof things horab was either an avid model maker or hed been tracking both sides movements and planning startegies. Nub was about to run off to get some refreshments but Arizu stoped him. "No we need you here to explain...thingies." She clicked her fingers and 2 of the horabs ran off. Shortly afterwards they returned with snacks and drinks.

Lyric: we'll need more than a small patrol. Things outside are quite ugly.
A: yes I think we ought to launch a full frontal attack as soon as the clones are ready.
She moved some of the figurines on the map.
A: If this map is correct..
n: and i assure you it is.
A: ...then there are small weaknesses in the spammers line of defense, here, here and here.If the horabs attack them in those areas we ought to be able to divide them into smaller clusters.



Sith Lords kick ass!

Reply on 15/06/2002 20:18:34

BOOM The building vibrates as explosions erupt around them. Aruzi and lyric are thrown to the floor. The floor gives way under them and they find themselves in

The sewers with Penfold lyric and Arizu land on something soft.Opps umm the squrriel looks a bit worse for wear

Where Moderators Come To Be Bad

Reply on 23/06/2002 20:02:06

A large and wild party erupted into existence...

at which particuar time the party had started, nobody could say, it was known however, that the party was at full tilt, and loud. to say most of of the guests were at the moment zonked out of their skulls at the moment would be a grave understatement, for there was a grand buffet of every herb, intoxifying liquid, tab, pill, and powder horab could muster.

horab walked dazed thrugh the crowd. he wasn't sure what all this was about, but he was sure to do something about it. possibly. suddenly a gay looking fellow, wearing the most outrageous dress horab had seen on anybeing, talked at horab: what an ugly suit you've got there handsome.
horab only vaguely heard the somment, and to be polite looked tried to look as if he understood it, and laughed. the queen did not like this, and gave horab an ugly look. horab had forgotten about the queen and was enjoying his enormous buzz. the queen thought that horab was goving him an even uglier look, and started to get mad. horab continued to place a steeely eyed gze in the direction of the queen. just as the queen started to say soemthing, matneee stumbled(or more appropriate, fell) into the queen, knocking him over. suddenly the the party hsuihed into an eery silence, which was broken up by the queen screaming at the top oif his lungs: THIS IS WAR! I"LL HAVE YOUR HEAD YOU BADLY DRESSED MISCREANT!
this was quickly followed by matneee who slurred: and another thing! my trench coat is ugh arrghhh unnnhhhhh. he passed out where he stood.
the queen left to go to another part of the party, and the party roared back to life as if nothign at all had happened.

just a few minutes (?) before...

horab, ahdkaw, and penfold sat around the table in the sonic shower room, finishing up what had been a monster size joint. indeed if hte joint had crawled up out of the ocean, the product of nuclear bomb test, proceeded to level a city, and named jointzilla, nobody would have been surprised. it was just that big. penfold stubbed out the small roach, and threw it into the tray. horab belatedly lit a smoke.
horab: unh
ahdkaw: ngh
penfold:huh
horab suddenly decided to find out what the rest of the party was doing, and as if by some trange agency, the three stod up and wlaked in seperate directions...

because i got high, because i got high, becasue i got hi-igh!
do do doo doo!

Reply on 06/08/2002 12:09:27

DING-A-LING-LONG BONG-A-WONG-BING-DONG!!!

Ahdkaw smiled, "What a pleasant doorbell", he thought as he stood on the doorstep to Horabs mansion. A spyhole opened in the centre of the left door of the huge wooden double doors, a small eye appeared beyond it.
"Ah, tis thee sire," Nub closed the spyhole and opened the door, "I've been waiting for you"
Ahdkaw looked down at the squirrel, "Where is your master?"
"I don't know," Nub looked tired, "I'm not to know his whereabouts, it's not my job"
"Well, fair enough," Ahdkaw said and strolled in to the brightly lit hallway, "I assume you got that message then?"
Nub rubbed his chin, "I assume you mean the message you sent nearly a month back?"
Ahdkaw nodded in assent.
"We had a few problems at the beginning," Nub led Ahdkaw towards the service elevator, pausing only to offer Ahdkaw a drink from the minibar in the hall.
Ahdkaw gladly accepted the drink, and took a few chugs.
"A lot of the turnips had gone mouldy and couldn't be used", Nub pointed to the button at the side of the elevator, "Press that will you?"
"Sure thing," Ahdkaw pressed the elevator call button, "So what did you do?"
"Well, we found some that were okay."
"And the information was retrieved successfully?"
"Some of it," Nub looked around as if expecting someone to hear, "but we managed to get a hold of some rogue Chegwins, and extracted the rest of the information from them"
"Huh", Ahdkaw wasn't surprised, "So the Chegwins were some use at least"
The elevator doors opened and Nub motioned Ahdkaw to enter and followed him in. Ahdkaw pressed the button clearly labelled '58' as directed by Nub.

The elevator doors closed and then Ahdkaw could feel a definite downward motion, fast.
Nub turned to Ahdkaw, "My master mentioned you were getting Darker Woods around the Village of Ping prepared, any luck with that?"
"Yes, I have had an large area fenced off, so to speak," Ahdkaw replied.
"Good good," Nub rubbed his paws together.
The elevator stopped then, and the door slid open revealing...

Ahdkaw couldn't believe his eyes, rows upon rows of pens stretched into the distance of the huge complex, to the left of the elevator placed against the wall was the greatest feast any man or speaking animal had ever seen, there were huge gammon steaks garnished with fried eggs and pineapple slices, beef joints gently steaming in huge pots of gravy,, lamb chops with whole sprigs of mint rested upon them, a feast fit for a queen!
"Try a bit if you like," Nub gestured.
Ahdkaw wandered over to the table drooling over the stupendous amont of meat and grabbed himself a leg of lamb, he unashamedly gorged himself on it and turned to Nub, "This is gorgeous!" Ahdkaw exclaimed.
"I know," replied Nub, "Come. This way," he headed out towards the first of the pens.
Ahdkaw followed, leg of lamb in hand (and mouth), and looked over the first group of specimens, "Hello cows!" Ahdkaw experimented.
"Moooo" replied the cows, "Told you," Nub looked satisfied.
"I'll arrange for transportation to Darker Woods" Ahdkaw turned on his heel and headed back toward the elevator.
"Don't be too long," Nub shouted after him, "It's beginning to smell down here!"
Ahdkaw looked back over his shoulder and smiled at Nub, "I won't."

Ahdkaw
"It is wise to be confused."
Sam, from 'Quincy'