The Land of Thud
EasyPrint: Probably the best way to read it, in the order they were posted.
Thread Listing: The old, confusing way.
Way Out West
Started on 19-05-2002 21:46:23 GMT
Edited by - penfold on 28/09/2002 12:15:20
Reply on 11/06/2002 01:05:29
"aaaaaaarrrRRRRRRGGGGggHHHHHhh!!!SPLAT" went the noise of Matneee landing on a hamster, as previously advertised on other pages. Fortunately HamsterJam and his now legendery armoured trenchcoat broke his fall.
"Groan" he spake with deep feeling. after all, for falling from such a great height he hurt not just a little bit.
"Where is the saviour we were promised, the hunter who would track down the evil of Th'iek in the previously unadvertised 'Book of Ongoing Stuff" (available very cheaply from people already owning a copy)
At times off need, tradition dictates that only a trenchcoat can save the day. It was up to Immanuel. After all, compared to him, Matneee's trenchcoat was but a mere accolyte..
"Are you saying they all died mysteriously?"
Reply on 14/07/2002 18:51:12
"What the hell now!?" cried the Mayor of Thud.
Looking around, he see could the harsh heat of the desert swirling in every direction, many miles to the East he could the wobbling Rumpinian mountain range, harsh sunlight reflecting from the many slides criss-crossing its surfaces. Immediately to his West he could see a lake, a beautiful oasis in this most unseeming of places, several palm trees providing places of lush respite in this spitless place.
Having still not worked out that he had suddenly appeared here for no apparent reason, as well as not receiving a response from the landscape around him, Ben Thudded strode toward the crystal watered lake. He felt drawn there. As he got closer he noticed a boat. On the lake. And there appeared to be someone in the boat, just sat there. Ben strained to make out who it was, but a gust of wind blew sand across his vision.
He covered his eyes from the hot sand, he 'ouched' and 'oohed', all the while moving toward the relief of this wonderful oasis. He uncovered his eyes and looked up to find at his shock and horror, that the oasis had gone! He couldn't beleive his eyes, he rubbed them, all to no avail. The man in the boat was still there, but he was stood up now, looking over at Ben, waving at him, shouting "Ben! Ben! Over here!"
Ben recognised that voice, it was Ahdkaw! He'd found him at last, or rather Ahdkaw had found him. "Ahdkaw! Is that you?" he still wasn't sure, "Of course it is, who else has a boat around here?" Ahdkaw lifted his arms and swung them around him and turning encompassing the entire visible area, Ben looked around, "Well, he's right there," Ben thought.
Ben wandered over to the boat, "Get in," Ahdkaw said, "don't want you getting your feet wet." Ahdkaw smiled.
Ben got in and sat down immediately opposite Ahdkaw facing him. All this time had passed, so much had happened, and he had so much to ask, but he could only think of relief, he was saved. He just knew it.
He was wrong.
"I noted you sent people out looking for me," Ahdkaw fumbled in his pocket, "but I note you didn't come here yourself. Do you know how you got here, by the way?" Ben shook his head, "Do you know why you are here, now?" Ahdkaw further probed, Ben shook his head again, "No inkling at all?"
"Nope, I'm afraid not. Sorry," Ben finally said.
"It was Eldorado of course."
Ben nodded, "Yes, I thought that might be the case."
"No you bloody didn't you bumbling fool!" Raged Ahdkaw, suddenly up out of his seat and turning very red, "You just said you didn't have a clue as to how you got here!"
"Did I?"
"Yes!"
"Oh sorry," Ben looked up, "I must have forgotten to mention that."
"Bloody politicians!"
"You put me there! You can't blame me!"
Ahdkaw relaxed, just slightly, "Okay. Well, it's over for you, you know."
"I may have a few tricks up my sleeves yet" Ben tested.
"You bloody what?!" Ahdkaw was fuming once more, "What do you mean?!"
"Well, it's been over a week since the election finished," Ben began smugly, "and it seems that no-one has noticed, they're all out still bloody campaigning! The fools! Ha! I added a new statute in the Law Book of Thud, that states thusly," Ben produced a Law Book of Thud from his breast pocket, "'Any successor to the Mayorship of the City of Thud, must be present at the time of counting, otherwise the Mayorship shall remain within the control of the current Mayor'", Ben looked up and smiled, "We struggled a bit with the grammar of that one, but you get the genral gist of it don't you?"
Ahdkaw ripped the 'Law Book of Thud' from Bens somewhat fervent grip, it was more of a pocket notepad that a 'book' as such, and someone had scribbled over the WalMart logo, and had written, in a particularly bad style, 'Law Book of Thud', "What is this crap?!" Ahdkaw ranted, he flipped a few of the pages, and was not stunned at the fact that the quote Ben had given was the only 'Law' in the 'Book', "Unholy Dogs man! I could have done better than this and that's saying something!"
"It took us a long time that did!"
"Us! Ha! You more like!" Ahdkaw broke into peels of laughter, the skys darkened, and thunder rumbled overhead. That's a lie, but it sounded good at the time.
Ahdkaw looked down at Mayor Thudded, "Proves my point at least"
"What point?"
"You don't know why you were brought here."
"Ah." said Ben, starting to look slightly dejected now.
"Myself and Eld knew what you were up to, we saw it all along, this is why I brought you out here to let you know that Arizu and her supporters must be given what they deserve, they won the election after all," Ahdkaw reasoned.
"But it's not fair!" moaned Ben.
"Of course it's fair! It's the way democracy works!" Ahdkaw supressed a snigger, "Anyway you can't go back to your office, because it isn't yours anymore."
Ben looked glum.
"So I've booked you temporary accomadation at The Death of Minds until you can find something to do," Ahdkaw seemed surprisingly calm and forgiving after his previous outbursts, "Why don't you join a band?"
Ben stared at Ahdkaw. "How did he know these things!", he thought
"I know you play guitar, either drum or bass, I don't take much notice of these things," Ahdkaw flipped his hand, "I know that Robert chap can sing. Why not set up a band or something."
Ben perked up at that, "Yes, me and Rob could start Thuds first GOTH band!"
Ahdkaw looked thoughtful for a moment and then nodded, "Yes, suitable punishment," Ahdkaw pressed the red button on the small device he had taken from his pocket earlier on and Ben disappeared, "but for whom?" Ahdkaw pondered.
Ben reappeared instantaneously with all his worldly belongings inside a cramped room on the top floor of The Death of Minds Inn.
Reply on 19/07/2002 04:53:42
horab and towly strode out from behind the mirage as ben thudded disappeared. horab passed a huge spliff to ahdkaw adn let out a nice cloud of smoke.
ahdkaw:i don't like all this business with that wanker.
horab: yes but we must have beef man! life has just not been the same in thud without it.
ahdkaw passed the spliff to towly.
ahdkaw: politics suck though man.
horab: yaou can;t have too many cronies when youre as rich adn powerful etc. as me dude.
towly:these are soem good buds guy.
horab:thanks man, they are good eh.
ahdkaw: im gonna jump in the water.
towly:don't forget your towl
ahdkaw:thanks towly!
meanwhile....
arizu looked about. this certainly wasn't the rest of the store in which she had previously been. she looked around uneasily. it seemed rather moist and it reeked of skunk. ever more menacing was that she not only did not have her improbably large broadsword with her, but she had also been trying on an elegant evening dress. from out of the darkness she saw the cherry of a lit ciggarette. sh walked towards it. a dark figure leaned against the tubular wall. where am i and who are you?:arizu asked
the figure responded: who are you and what are you doing here?
arizu:i asked you first!
the figure:thsi is where i live!
arizu: ihave a very big sword!
the figure: *sigh very well then. im grimacnthulusassas and this is horab's brain.
arizu: you're who?
the figure: just call me horab, it;s easier.
arizu ran walked ove to the fuigure and and asaw that it was horab.
arizu: where's your suit? i need a new one.
horab: i have absolutely no idea what yer talking about, want a toke?
arizu: i can't get high.
horab: your in my brain though, you never know.
horab passed arizu the joint and she took a toke and coughed quite a bit.
arizu i don't think it did anything. whoa.
