The Land of Thud
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City Hall
Started on 18-06-2002 20:05:22 GMT
Edited by - penfold on 28/09/2002 12:30:28
Reply on 19/06/2002 00:28:27
a knock came sounded off the door from to the mayor's office.
benthudded: go away, today is bad enough already thanks.
the door opened anyway, and nub walked into the room.
nub: before we get started, would anyone like a drink?
the mayor immediately asked for a tripple. nub whipped out the foldable serving table, and poured the drink. the mayor took it and thourgh it back, then asked for another.
87643gdjbf: hdsh oaspdk sanne
nub pulled out a few more bottles, and expertly mixed them into a chegwin's skull. the th'eik poured the drink into one of it's orifaces.i seemed to look happy for a moment, then belched out a greenish blue flame.
eld:what do you want squirrel?
nub: my master has provided for payment of the fine service our good freinds the th'eik have performed for us. hfid idsf amskdioirewq. please follow me.
the walked outside where a large frieght trailer sat. nub opened the doors and pulled out a box.he opened it and everyone looked in.
the box appeared to contain several thousand moist towelettes.
87643gdjbf: hsdab ahsd. -it turned to benthudded: this will be addequate.
suddenly the trailer disappeared.
benthudded:what in thud?
nub: it is common knowledge that moist towelletes are the most valuable and stable omnidemensional cuurencies. excuse me.
with that the squirrel dashed off, leaving eld and ben thudded both relieved and confused.
i play russian roulette everyday,
a man's sport,
with a bullet called life, yeah mama called life
you know everytime that i try to go, where i really want to be, it's already where i am,
cause i'm already there
Reply on 19/06/2002 12:57:40
Looking out the window at the ruins of what was once the great City of Thud, BenThudded sighs... Cameras snap pictures of the thoughtful mayor. Once they are gone, the mayor puts his feet up on the desk.. "It is good to be the Mayor"
The InterCon beeps and his secretary Miss Whatababe announces the arrival of Smiley and the latest group of Stragglers..Miss Whatababe would you take notes during the meeting, please?
*notes are not needed. he just wants to see Miss Whatababe walk*
The door opens and a horrific smell flows into the room. BenThudded, gags, Miss Whatababe gags... the mayor watches her gag, umm yes "Get them out of here Smiley the sewer guy, I told you they would stink..." Arizu gets ready to kill someone, anyone... Miss Whatababe for starters
"Out NOW!"
Smiley herds the group out to the city baths.
Reply on 20/06/2002 15:22:22
BenThudded is left dazed by the Queen's visit.
He turns to Eld "Right, I am not dancing with the Queen and that is flat"
Eld: Not to worry, this is a job for the extra Horabs. You just keep the flag flying and the queen will be none the wiser. But be careful he can be a real pig if he thinks you are trying to pull one over him.
BenThudded: Then I will leave the arrangements to you.
Eld: I think not, I have important stuff to do. Wait I have a better idea. Tell that fool lyric, Martha Stewart is coming. She will kill herself getting the place in a party mood.
"Dancing Queen, dee de dum, dee dee de"
Reply on 23/06/2002 19:38:34
as the queen left, he failed to notice the posters proclaiming:
HUGE PARTY
AT
HORAB'S MANSION
because i got high, because i got high, becasue i got hi-igh!
do do doo doo!
Reply on 28/06/2002 12:20:16
Arizu stormed into the city hall, in her usual chirpy yet in a mildly pissed off sort of way. This was a result of the mayors people not returning her calls and now refusing to let her in on the grounds of her not having an appointment. Also she was missing horabs party and she needed a new brown suit.
Arizu kicked a guard out of her way, and tripped whatababe(not very difficult considering the ridiculous stilletos she was wearing. She kicked the mayor's door open. Ben looked surprised and hid a series of things in his desk too quickly for arizu to make out what they were. Stereotype dictates they were either wet towels or sex toys.
a: "look here ben thudded. I do not appreciate being called a straggler by your lackey and neither do i like this draconian possesion youve taken over the land. Much as i admire ahdkaw, the chegwin threat is gone and there no need for an emergency mayor. So, unless you want to become ben thwacked, deceased, start organising elections."
Lie on the couch, surrender all your secrets and be saved. Ka ching!
Reply on 06/07/2002 21:44:13
City Hall had been a hive of activity over the last week. Arrangements for the election of the new Mayor of the City of Thud took it's toll on Mayor BenThudded, he sat in his chair and lit up a cigar. He leaned forward into his intercom, "Miss Whatababe"
"Yes mayor," was her instant response.
"Have you heard anything from Ahdkaw yet?" he asked, somewhat desperately. Nobody in the entire Land of Thud had seen hair nor hide of Ahdkaw since the day he put BenThudded in power, he had just disappeared.
"Nothing sir," she sounded as dejected as himself, "sorry."
"Okay, thanks," he thumbed the intercom off.
BenThudded didn't like this. Not one bit. It wasn't like Ahdkaw to just go missing. Something had to be up. He had of course spoken to Immaneul Kant on the matter, and he had sent out his very best trackers all over the land but so far there had been nothing.
But he couldn't dwell on that, there was the election to be dealt with first. The candidates had come forward earlier in the week and registered, and were still out busy campaigning throughout the City of Thud. It was now that last day of the election, the booths would be closed in a little under three hours. Then the counting would begin.
There was a knock on the door. BenThudded found that a little disturbing as usually Miss Whatababe would call through on the intercom first. He hit the intercom, "Miss Whatababe!" he called. There was no reply.
The door began opening, very slowly. BenThuddeds' eyes fixed on the door, a bead of sweat appeared on his forehead.
Seconds that seemed to stretch into minutes passed as the door was opened to reveal a tall man in a baseball cap, holding what seemed to be a hi-tech weapon of sorts. It was smoking.
"What have you done to Miss Whatababe, you madman?!" BenThudded leaped from his chair.
"Hrmph," huffed the mystery American, "I killed her. I never liked her at school either."
"For crying out loud, Robert," Ben threw his arms in the air, "I really liked her."
"Never mind anyway," said Robert matter-of-factly, "I bring news"
BenThudded sat back down and composed himself, "Go on."
Robert stepped toward the desk and reached around his back and pulled out a fold-out camping stool, which he opened in one swift movement, put it down on the floor and sat down on it. He didn't look comfortable.
"Well", Robert began, "It seems that Ahdkaw has gone to another land. Beyond this one. I learnt it from speaking with the Talking Plastic Praying Mantis of The Spitless Desert in the far far North of that, indeed, spitless place," Robert spat.
Ben looked upset.
"He went past that way a week ago, he appeared to be carrying a boat," Robert stood then.
Ben looked up, "Er... that's the news? That is what you came all the way back from where you were, after you were on his trail? Why didn't you just keep going?!"
"Er," Robert rubbed his chin, "My map ran out..."
"Oh great!" Ben was exasperated.
Reply on 06/07/2002 22:20:04
Angus, temporarily employed by Ben Thudded as a general gopher, for miss Whatababe. Poked his door round the office nose. Apoligising to the office, he made a jockular question to his bosses boss. "So! I Guess you'll be needing a secretary then?" Answering with contempt, Ben said. "Why do you know one?"
"Well!" Replied Angus. "I think i could manage just about everything Miss whatababe did. I can make coffee and roll splifs. Can press that button and speak too. I draw the line at crawling under your desk and moaning like she did though."
Robert took passed sour look over Angus and a questioning one at Ben. Who shrugged his eyes away from Rob. Muttering something about faulty table legs.
Turning to Angus he shouted at him, "Will you just bugger off"
"Sure" Replied Angus and as he left his dissapearing voice said. "I think i knowwhere Kaw went"
Reply on 07/07/2002 13:31:11
BenThudded turned to Robert, "Go find this Angus person, did you hear just what he said?"
"Oh right," Robert ran out of the mayors office, through the still-bloody reception, and into the street. He looked either way but no sign could be seen, which was odd, Robert thought, seeing as he had only left the office mere seconds earlier. Robert sniffed the air, like a true tracker, then shook his head, and strolled back into City Hall.
"What the hell are you doing?" cried BenThudded as he was making his way across the reception.
"I can't see him anywhere."
"Well yes," shouted Ben, "But you are a tracker, no? Go out and track him!"
"But he's gone." Robert looked depressed.
"You're losing your touch a little aren't you?"
"It's all that walking, and sifting sand, sniffing trees and other ridiculous tracking techniques, it just tends to get dull after a while."
"Well, are you not being paid enough or something?"
"No, you pay well enough. I just don't know if I'm cut out for this sort of thing."
"What do *you* want to do with your life?" Ben was getting good at this.
"I dunno. Maybe a singer."
Robert stared listlessly out of the window, and Ben felt sorry for the poor chap.
Reply on 09/08/2002 17:40:50
Arizu returned to the city of Thud with her shopping bags to be greeted by some thuddians, some sheep (they were all quite fond of Arizu after that incident at the abbatoir) and a handfull of news reporters. There was singing and ballons and lots of biodegradable propaganda. Arizu stood on a podium and addresed her followers.
"Dear Thuddians...i see youve elected me mayor. Thanks, im sure we'll all benefit from this wise, wise move. I pledge to secure the city from more attacks as the terrible indignities we suffered at the hands, tentacles and spam of the chegwins. As for the goths, ill do with them whatever you want me to with them. You want them out, theyre out. You want em brainwashed, theyre brainwashed. You feel like their moppy melancolia is cool, then theyre cool. Expect to be polled on the matter in the near future. And remeber to buy conservative strips!"
With that she skipped of the podium, handed her shopping bags to a snivelling assistant, kneed an impertinent reporter in the balls (had she been away on a filthy meat eating weekend!?) and walked back into city hall.
Another snivelling assistant handed her a fat folder of latest news which she skimmed through. After a few minutes she called the least snivelling assistant into her office .
"Yes ma'am?"
"It says here that the ninja sheep, grabbed horab for conspiring to bring real beef back into thud, except it wasnt horab it was bill gates, except it wasnt bill gates it was ben thudded, except it easnt ben thudded it was elvis. Now, i want to know who the cow has and what he plans on doing with ém."
"Yes ma'am."
"So what are you going to do?"
"Ummmm"
"Sigh. Just bring me cow tse tung already."
"Yes má'am."
"And dont call me ma'am."
"Yes ma'am."
Arizu sighed loudly and considered using the twit as sword practice. Instead she fed runt some conservative strips and asked another assistant to ask lyric to come round.
Lie on the couch, surrender all your secrets and be saved. Ka ching!
Reply on 12/08/2002 21:35:53
When cow tse left Arizu's face darkned, she was unsure what to do. On the one hand she thought ahdkaw was nice, more to the point she wouldnt like to get in an argument with him, and horab was cute...in those brown suits. On the other hand the cow was a dear friend and business partner. The animals would never accept real meat. The deviants of ping would then have to be persuaded to give up their cause. "I dont know what the bloody fuss is about" she said out loud."young conservative tastes exactly like real meat"
She had two options. She called one of the horabs in brown suits that had replaced the spineless assistants. "HowŽs the research into vegtable meats?"
"Not too well your magnificus highness. Im afraid they havent been able to control the sprout outbreak in level 5. Shall we transfer them to the warfare section."
"Yep, you do that. Also get some one to see how hard it is to make a young conservative look like a sheep"
"Right away my queen."
"Oh stop it youre making me blush...no, okay go on."
"Well, Venus must be terribly envious of your beuty..."
Half an hour later Arizu sent Runt to deliver some letters. Their content read: You are cordially invited to a girls night of the Order of the Golden Cheese Grater at the City Hall. Please bring a dish of something (no real meat please), make up or photographs of old boyfriends to burn. Air kisses,
Mayor Arizu.
Naturally one of these went out to lyric. If the fake sheep didnt keep the boys down, shed just have to appeal to their manhood.
Lie on the couch, surrender all your secrets and be saved. Ka ching!
Reply on 13/08/2002 14:50:01
A dejected lyric slopes into the mayors office. I have just sent Bill Gates away. So I am up for a night out with the girls. I need a gallon of ice cream, a bag of chips and some new nail paint.
Grabs Arizu "Woohoo you escaped again"
When the going gets tough, women do their nails and eat ice cream.
Do you like my tattoo? I got it for my bday. vines around the ankle with tiny flowers. Well it will fade away in a few weeks. I think it kind of scared poor Bill
Look Arizu I need a lamb chop. One of those with a bone and marrow, that get all crispy when it is cooked. Young Conservative (TM) won't do it. I know it is forbidden fruit. Which makes it all the more yummy.
We could turn Cow tse tung into Texas bar b que, care to SHOP
Reply on 20/08/2002 17:44:28
Ahdkaw finally makes his appearance at City Hall. He doesn't look happy, the creases gouged across his fine brow, and the red in his eyes, generally gave it away. Looking around he could see the vast entrance hallway, a couple of notices had been hap-hazardly stuck upon the Mayoral Duties board.
"Hello?" Ahdkaw called out.
There didn't seem be anyone around.
He wandered over to the Mayoral Duties board and fingered the parchment precariously hanging from the base of the board. He turned it over and read:
"The Mayor will be this month attending to her duties to the business-folk of Thud in a hope to extend our hospitality, and to continue to press forward in building confidence in moist towelettes as Thuds new currency."
"Hrmph," Ahdkaw mumbled to no-one, "She's bloody well gone shopping! This is no way to run a City!"
Ahdkaw stepped back away from the board, and with a glint of some form in his eye, he raised the twin barrels of his trusty shotgun, and squeezed the trigger.
---
A few minutes later Ahdkaw awoke. The close proximity of the shotgun blast had knocked him from his feet, and the wall lay in tatters before him. There was no sign of the board. He got up and brushed himself down, and headed to the main conference room situated on the first floor.
Sat down in the Mayoral chair within the conference room gave a great view. The long oval-shaped dark-oak table stretched into the distance to either side, rows of red-leather upholstered "wheels-and-spinning" chairs standing uniformly alongside. Windows to the rear looked out over the City of Thud, the post office being the only recognisable building, the rest of the city looked like a normal city, but it's maleable-ness seemed to blur everything out of focus whenever ones eyes happened to wander. Immediately opposite were the most beautifully carved dark-oak double doors, each painstakingly crafted to feature the profiles of the founders of Thud.
Ahdkaw pressed a nondescript button on the table, and a huge neon sign appeared above the oval table. It read: Session Called - Case against Vegetarian-Only Options. Brought by the People of Thud.
Ahdkaw crossed his arms, looked meanly toward the double-doors, and waited...
Reply on 23/08/2002 21:42:42
Arizu walked into city hall with the rest of the order of the golden cheese grater and various horabs carrying excesive amounts of shopping in tow. When she walked through her officeŽs doble doors she was confronted by a sleeping ahdkaw slumped over her desk and craling a shotgun. Hed obviously been there various days.There was also a large hole where the mayoral duties board had once been.
"Ah damn.Horab 3, could you take the girls into the study please. RUNT! Dont eat the icecream yet, its for the sleep over."
She waited for everyone to go off into the study before nudging ahdkaw off her desk. He landed with a thud, groaned slightly and got up like he didnt know where he was.
"Argh...you could of at least tried not to drool all over the mahogany desk... i suppose youre here over the meat issue? Im not having you and the cow start a civil war."
Ahdkaw narrowed his eyes at her" oh like you really care, youve been shopping for the past "he looked at his watch, "4 days!"
Arizu grined at him" ah but its not the only thing ive been doing." Sshe pushed a button under her desk and a robotic looking creature came into the office carying a sheep" I present to you the all new, conservative strips animal crackers. Looks like an animal, tastes like an animal, runs like hell for its life. But in fact its a young conservative. Whatd you think?"
Lie on the couch, surrender all your secrets and be saved. Ka ching!
