The Land of Thud
EasyPrint: Probably the best way to read it, in the order they were posted.
Thread Listing: The old, confusing way.
Village of Ping
Started on 25-07-2002 20:27:55 GMT
Horab takes a long drag on the ridiculously large spliff Ahdkaw had just handed him and smiles.
-----
He couldn't believe what had just happened! The sheep believed they had Horab, but that was not the case, they had Ben Thudded! 'Well, who am I to argue?' horab thought. The cows, with their natural connection to nature, had said at one point, "Wait...", looked thoughtful, and then put it down to their recent three-day gruesome sleep-deprivation lessons with Cow-Tse-Tung. They were totally unaware of the mistake. But why?, Horab wondered.
He had travelled a long way in a matter of hours, heading from the Valley of Cyder, East up onto Bolster Moor, that wet and miserable place, not forgetting to get some heather for the old gypsey who had once said to him, "When you're on yer way thru, get us some heather, eh? Eh?! Or I'll curse ye I will..", to which he had responded at the time, "Um.. Okay then." then direct to the anti-grav train station and onto the 02:10 Express to Thud Central. Horab flashed his "Don't Charge Me" card at the ticket inspector and grinned.
A little under half an hour later, Horab disembarked at the City centre and headed north, up Temple Drive, past the Flame Turning Guild for Pigs, The Guild Witchs & Herbalists (stopping only to deliver the heather), and The United Guilds of Scroungers, Blaggers and Layabouts, who were hanging around the building doing nothing as usual, a few were begging in the streets, others blagging them for a cup of tea, but Horab rushed on. The Frisbeetarian Temple Gardens seemed to go by in a blur. Too busy thinking.
Eventually Horab passed the outskirts of the city and followed the River Thud northwards, until he got to the Great Arching Turn To The East of the River Thud, and he continued north through Darker Woods, and into the Village of Ping.
---
Ping Pong - The Sporting Bar!
"At last!" Ahdkaw exclaimed, "What have you been up to?"
Horab grinned, "They got Ben, they think he's me"
Ahdkaw smiled, and passed a fat doobie, "Oh well, never mind. Did you get a good look around?"
"Don't you worry about that, I know what they're capable of"
"Alrighty then," Ahdkaw clapped his hands and stood up, "Send the information on to Central HQ for Freedom To Eat Beef In Thud, everything at this end is coming together nicely thank you."
"Nice to hear"
"We must go our seperate ways, my friend," Ahdkaw fumbled in his pocket, "we cannot remain together between posts. As you know, the walls have ears in this place."
"Yep." Horab agreed.
---
Ahdkaw pressed the little red button. And they were gone.
Ahdkaw
"It is wise to be confused."
Sam, from 'Quincy'
Reply on 09/08/2002 15:33:53
Due to the necessity of fleshing the place out a bit, as well as continue the oh-so-interesting storyline he has going, Ahdkaw returns to The Village of Ping.
He enters the scene from stage-left, picking his way through the underbrush of Darker Woods, he bursts from a particularly over-active sticky-bud plant, and heads to the village centre.
The Village of Ping is refuge to the older residents of Thud, who remember the days when men were men and meat was real meat, not this reconstituted young-conservative meat that seemed to be all the rage in the city with the young folks. So it was here that the revolution began.
On the fateful day that Ahdkaw and Horab had arrived in the village, the elders had been very low key, they had sat in a corner of The Sporting Bar wearing their regulation white and green table-tennis uniforms, listening intently to the hushed conversation of Horab and Ahdkaw. Toward the end of the conversation Ahdkaw had looked around the bar shiftily, his eyes resting upon the village chief, Tombadil Reedle, who ever-so-slightly nodded at Ahdkaw. Then the two highly-decorated warriors of Thud had simply vanished.
Tombadil was now sat on the edge of the centre-piece well that was located, oddly enough, slap bang in the middle of the village. Tombadil was a man of squat figure and had hairy feet, he still wore shoes but his uncontrollable mass of matted foot hair protruded through them. His face was that of a man who had endured much and said little, but the truth was in fact the actual opposite. He slowly struggled to his feet as saw Ahdkaw approach.
"Bloody sticky-buds"
"I've told you before, Ahdkaw", Tombadil spake, "use the road to get here."
"Not exactly an exciting route to take tho' eh?" Ahdkaw replied, "Our readers need a bit more excitement than just, 'Ahdkaw walked into the village by road'"
"Yes," Tombadil sighed, "I suppose you're right."
Ahdkaw walked up to Tombadil who was a good two feet smaller, and leaned past him to take a drink from bucket that had just been brought up the well by a pretty young girl by the name of Florence Reedle, Tombadils grand-daughter. She giggled for no reason and skipped away.
"The rest of the Elders are waiting your arrival in the Village Hall," Tombadil headed towards a large opaque building where the Elders could be clearly seen within sat on orange plastic chairs, watching Ahdkaw as he followed Tombadil, picking sticky-buds from his clothes as he walked.
Ahdkaw and Tombadil entered the village hall, and took to the stage where a podium, projector and chalkboard had already been set up.
"WE WANT MEAT! WE WANT MEAT!" The elders chanted in unison.
Tombadil held up his hand for silence, and the elders acquiesced.
"We all know why he's here," Tombadil addressed the elders, "so let's all remain calm, and listen to what he has to say."
Ahdkaw took to the podium, and leafed through the speech that had been prepared for him.
"Elders of the Village of Ping," Ahdkaw started, "I'm happy to be joining you in this wonderful village, and I hope this will be start of a very special relationship between us..."
"Get on with it!" someone from the back shouted.
"Okay," Ahdkaw put down the specially prepared speech, and leaned forward onto the podium, "let's get one thing straight here. I'm trying to get this meat to you all, it's all ready for transportation from Horabs complex, and none of the animals can speak, so I cannot see any way that this can be seen as an act of war by Cow-Tse-Tung and his cohorts. I believe we can all co-exist PEACEFULLY as long as we stick with our genetically manufactured animals."
"But!" Ahdkaw raised an index finger to the sky, "I need some help transporting them. That will be your job people," the elders grumbled at that, "as long as everything is ready in Darker Woods, I don't see any problems. Is everything ready Tombadil?"
"Yes."
"Good. Sort out the transportation, get them over here, and then let me know."
Ahdkaw stepped away from the podium and turned to Tombadil, "You think you can do that?"
"Shouldn't be too much trouble."
"Good, then get to it. I'll return here soon to see how things are coming along."
And with that Ahdkaw turned on his heel and left.
Ahdkaw
"It is wise to be confused."
Sam, from 'Quincy'
Reply on 11/08/2002 21:35:07
bill started rambling off details of things he had seen while in the company of the talking cattle. bill didn't know why he was doing this, but continued anyways. nobody was surprised by any of this either, as biil had been altered to be their agent. what surprised horab however, was the note. for indeed, he had created much of the animals' ancestors with the ability to talk, for the most part to keep himself company while he ran the arena of death. he had sold the happy farm along with much of thud to some media conglomerates that he owned through another company.
'well, monopolies are never good' horab said, 'even if you own everything anyway'
'plan a.3 then?' said ahdkaw.]
'yep'.
ahdkaw began making the treachourous journey back to thud, while horab headed towards the rumpian mountians.
if you don't like it, go to russia
Reply on 12/08/2002 18:34:37
lyric Cheese Grater at the Ready charges in. Put Down My Bill Gates Ohhhhh Bill did they hurt you. No, you still have that nerdy geeky charm that I love 
Dusts Bill off. Let me unbutton 
I mean button up your sports coat Ohhh I haven't seen clothes like this since my dad 
Now listen you curs, you, you meat eaters, unhand my Bill Gates this minute or it will be the Cheese Grater for all of all of you 
I need a new sig and title
Send suggestions to:
lyric
c/o City Hall
Thud City, Thud
Matneee's Beer Fund.Com
Give till it hurts, you know you want to
Reply on 13/08/2002 01:15:55
everyone looks at lyric, then at bill gates, then at ahdkaw and horab. horab shrugs then ahdkaw says "sure have him"
lyric: well thx.
horab: no problem, don't have too much fun with him now eh 
if you don't like it, go to russia
Reply on 13/08/2002 14:34:04
lyric: Billlllll
Bill Gates: Where am I. I tried Ctrl, Alt Del and nothing happened
lyric: That won't work, luv. We need to reboot you
lyric dusts Bill off and tossles his hair. Here let me dust you off a bit 
She leads Bill off a bit away from Ak and Horab. Look, this reboot will be a bit rough and you will probably lose some data. But it is the only way to get you back to Redgate, where you are a minor god. Before you go, I just want you to know that I have always loved your nerdy geeky charms. I even love your middle age spread But you need to go back and invent software so we can get rancid goat piss ™ out of the water and have a steak. You see that don't you.
Bill: looks dim and confused. umm software? I don't think you should have your hands in my pocket 
lyrid: Oh, sorry I was looking for your hard drive 
lyric stuffs the information into Bills vest pocket. Goodbye Bill
She punches him in the belly which cold boots his hard drive and he vanishes in a puff of smoke, along with the grinding noise of a screaming hard drive. Goodbye Billlllll 
lyric looks at a nausated Ak and Horab. What the hell are you lot looking at. Get me a lamb chop
Matneee's Beer Fund.Com
Give till it hurts, you know you want to
Reply on 25/09/2002 17:08:15
Angus meanwhile plays a game of the arcade classic pong, whilst in the village of ping
Just because it is somehow profound.
