The Land of Thud

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The Great Wave of Change

Started on 28-12-2002 12:46:18 GMT

Chapter 1: The Beginning

I awoke to near darkness, I was lying on an old wooden bed, in what appeared to be an enclosed wooden room, the regular creaking sound giving knowledge of such. I slowly turned my head straining slightly to see through the gloom, I could see other beds in the room, a few bedside tables, wardrobes and trunks. To my left a long-dead alarm clock lay in pieces on the floor.

Standing up took a lot longer than I would have first imagined, my bones creaked and my muscles ached, my initial movements were almost unbearable. How long had I been asleep? Where was I? The last I could remember I was at the Town Hall, waiting for the mayor, but something happened...

Finally standing I looked around, the other beds looked used but were empty, there was a slat of light cutting across the room, dust sparkling in the air, and it was about now that I felt a gentle swaying and realised I was on a ship. But where? And whose ship was this? It was no ship of mine, that much was sure, mine aren't made of wood, and they don't travel across oceans. So whose ship is this? And damnit, why am I here?

After a few stretching exercises to relieve my remaining aches and pains, I walked toward the source of the light discovering upon my arrival a small door, leaning closer revealed the sound of voices and the clattering of boots upon wood. The deck then, I surmised. Opening the door was easier than I expected, turn handle and push. The light poured in, temporarily blinding me. I covered my eyes and looked away, and slowly turned back, my eyes struggling to adjust to the intense brightness.

I was definitely on the deck of an old wooden ship, and it was a very nice day, blue sky in every direction, and the sun shining brightly. No one seemed to notice me, standing there like a plum, looking around gormlessly. Eventually I spotted the bridge of the ship, several people hanging around a huge steering wheel, one of them was holding it, and another was shouting stuff. I knew that voice. That was Eldorado Sunshineface.

.........

Reply on 28/12/2002 17:54:17

Meanwhile, in the crows nest, Penfold shook himself awake. A lifetime of cyder abuse had accostomed him to not knowing what the hell was going on but even so there were some quetions that needed answering. Like why was he in a crows nest? Where did all the solid bits of Thud go? Why was ahdkaw stood below waaaaaaay below on deck looking confused?. Where is the cyder?

....Cyder....something about cyder....

The memory clicks into place, he was sat in the valley drinking the very first flagon of a new brew, possibly the finest yet when...

...something fell from the sky...a big something...

Not into the valley but away to the east; into the city itself. Then from the impact spot a huge wave of blinding...

...well not light but something like light, and behind it everything was changed everything was waving, like the sea, flowing...

...then...

...something about Eld, something about a "superimposition of multiple eigen-states", something about "finding the correct reality".

Penfold pauses. Now he really needs a drink. He checks his pockets, no alcohol but his chillums there! and ooh! a big bag of valley weed. He gingerly climbs down the rigging and wanders over to AK "er do you have any fire?"

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.


Edited by - penfold on 30/12/2002 16:04:02

Reply on 30/12/2002 22:14:39

There's something about dolphins. From a distance, they're quite lovely. Frolicing in the waves and so forth, leaping from crest to crest with happy abandon. Not a care in the world. Of course, under my present circumstances I understand why they do so..

I wake, and the first thing that hits me is the ocean. Actually that's not true. The first thing that hits me is headache. Shortly followed by ocean. It's just that the ocean is very big and that quite a lot of it hits me at once. Dim memories jostle for attention. There was a drinking contest. I made bets. I think I won them all. Except the last one. About sawing my own head off. In retrospect, probably a bad plan. Good job nobody had a decent saw, I say. I probably could have settled on a better forefit though...

So here I am, trussed up on the bow of the boat. The figurehead on the ship of fools. It's not a comfortable place to be and frankly the dolphins that frolic about the bows and leap from crest to crest are really only there to take the piss out of me. Never trust them. But I'm never drinking that bloody Cyder of Penfold's again! Oh no, mark my words until the next time..


'Life is like a roll of toilet paper. What seems soft and easy to handle at first glance usually unravels horribly and ends up somewhere in the sewers'

Reply on 02/01/2003 16:07:56

Nicely stoned Ak and penfold wander over to the mass of people round the steering wheel, its mostly witches but cow-tse-tung is there along with the zebra from the Death of Minds. "What the hells going on Eld?" murmurs Ahdkaw as he passes the chillum on its way.

"Well basically, a massive concioussness of some sort collided with the entire Thud superimposition and blew the entire thing into superspace. The energy of collision was sufficent to knock all the subsidiary concioussnesses from the Thud strange attractor into chaotic behavior . Obviously this means that we've all gone meta and are experiencing all, or many, of our eigen states at once. Although our primate conditioning means that we interpret it in terms of what we know of course."

"Eh" replied AK, Penfold and everyone else present except the witchy types. "I thought you were a witch" managed Penfold "you know spells and astral planes and stuff"

"Oh no thats mostly for the tourists, really a witch is a practical Quantum Engineer who explores the dynamics of the EWG universe from a copenhagen model viewpoint"

"So why are we all on this boat and where's Thud?"

"OK in simple language...every time you make a decision, say left or right, you really go both ways. The universe splits in two and in one half you go left the other right, you never know about it cause your mind splits too. Now thud has come into contact with a massive mind that can percieve both choices and its sent us all the same way. Thud was always close to the edge anyway. But our minds are too simple to deal with whats really out here so they create a kind of illusion which is what this boat is. We're floating in the area of superspace where thud used to be picking up debris basically"

"So thuds gone?"

"Yes for us, for. However it still exists somewhere in superspace as a possibility, so it might be possible to recreate it. For now however we need to sort out rescuing what we can and watching out for all the dangers of superspace"

"So whos here then?"

"Most of us witches survived and created the three boats we're running, one unit of ninja sheep survived and a while ago we came across the entire Death of Minds, just floating there, we rescued the beer before it sank. We'll probably find more people and stuff anyhow. Oh and Matnees tied to the front of this boat. Right I'm Captain round here 'cause every one else is useless. AK your the keeper of the armoury and penfold can be chief rigging monkey. Get to work lads"

Penfold and ak walk smartly off looking efficent "Whats a rigging monkey?" "Buggered if I know, wheres the armoury?" "Dunno, somewhere below I think, maybe we should untie Matnee" "Yes that would be a start."

This series IV d1mbot has been brought to you by Thermopyle Industries[tm]. Any enquiries or complaints should be directed to Angus Thermopyle. Thank you for using this Thermopyle Industries[tm] product.

Reply on 07/01/2003 06:29:20

hoarb lounged upon a patio, sipping from a frozen strawberry daquery while watching the waitresses ed had convinced to work for him with some admiration. horab suddenly noticed someone standing over him and regarded that person.
isn't that a woman's drink? asked lyric.
well yes i think it is. damn women and their drinks. waitress! bring an ale or a lager or soemthing manly at least, replied horab
and one of those daquiris for me too, lyric added quickly
the waitress smiled and brought them their drinks. horab took a swig and lit a smoke.
thud seems awful quiet don't you think horab? asked lyric
i dunno, seems rather lively to me, what with all the serving and the waiting and the new jukebox and the reinstatement of the main street barbeque. oh yeah and htere was a garage sale down the way from us just the other weekend, very wild.
you idiot! chastised lyric, you haven't noticed a certain lack of going ons, political religious and social extremism, evil or misdeeds?
well you know,i had but i just blamed it on the fact that it's a different world outside today, what with a world gone mad, a unvierse gone inverse, not to mention the exponential biblical prophecies; i really just assumed people had you know "grown up" learned a sense of family and realized their need for community in these trying days. you know the pub's been busier than ever, and it can't just be the jukebox. maybe it's all these pretty blondes but, idunno...
ed had traded passage from the edge for the girls' endentured servitude for seven generations, and they seemed to like it quite well compared to the dullness of that tourist trap known as the edge of thud.
lyric looked confused but listened carefully while horab rambled on, finaly take a break to take a gulp form his ice cold and refreshing beer.

but you know you don't notice the papers piling up on ahdkaw's doorstep or the lack of penfold protesting the eating of meat? lyric jumped in
well that not so ordinary, papers piling up on ak's doorstep, don't spose your'e going to tell me his lawn not being mowed is also suspicious now are you?countered horab half paying attention to some hot tourists
but what about penders? isn't it odd he almost convinces the polit-capitalist machine that is young conservative strips inc. to hang every true omnivore in town, then suddenly pops into thin air?
well i tell you, it is a little odd, but my stomach isn't going to argue, and for that matter niether am i. horab's head turned as too particularly tasty tourists walked by, then jumped up to follow. now if you'll excuse me, it's tourist season and i've got to renew my hunting license. and with that he walke off leaving lyric in the company of atttention deprived conversation slaves employed by ed.
bring me some ice tea will ya, and make it hard, she told the waitress as she began to plot and plan. soemthing was definitely odd indeed.

meanwhile in a universe down the block...

ak penfold eld, cow tse sung and ed the inebriated zebra stood in a circle passing a largeish spliff. with all the smoke they had forgotten about untying matnee totally, and had continued to listen to eld ramble on about eigenstates and assorted hoopla. suddenly the door to the back of the ship opened and out stepped horab, wearing a loose hawaiian style tee, a brown trianlge hat upon his brow, boots whose tops came to the crotch of his pants,and sporting a mean looking cutlass, behing him stood a very mean and ugly looking fellow: ARRRR!! ye landlubbers! i'm cap' horab and this here the stinky monkey is my ship! yer all myt worthless dogmeat for slaves and what i say goes round here ok? no? well too bad ye nasally congested hoseheads! and if your'e very lucky i'll throw you over the side and feed you to the megasharks floatin beside!
ARRRR!

the group of very,very baked people at first were confused, then happy, then confused, then suddenlt realizing this was not the usually univerese they were used to, a look of terror swam acorss their faces. all except matneee, who being still tied to the mast was too hungover to notice any of this, except th loud shouting and the hollering and the whatnot, this ddidn't seem to stop as poor matneee lamented, woith the barking of such things as lengthen the planks and trim the sails and about face or somesuch. it had all sorta jumbled and mantee couldn't bring himself to care as long as his skull fought tooth and nail to contain the painfull virbations inside his head.

all you need is couch

Reply on 07/01/2003 11:40:00

Chapter 2: Eigen States and Angus Steaks

I was glad to see that I wasn't alone on this crazy ship, the loss of much of the population of Thud was hard to bear, but close friends made the pain that much easier to cope with. Together the friends greaved the loss of their closest allies, among them Arizu, the ill-fated mayor of Thud, no-one had seen her for months, and the hope had all but faded. I still couldn't accept that Gregory, my self-regenerating man-servant was nowhere to be found either. Legion, BenThudded, Robert, Noetic, Tarjeib, GekoGirl, and Angus, among others, were missing and presumed dead. It was a sad day indeed.

I turned to Horab, who looked rather swish in all his high-seas swash-buckling gear, "What happened to Lyric? You said you were the last to see her?"
"I dunno man," Horab simply replied, "I was talking to her in another universe and then I switched to this one."
"Can you bring her with you?"
"Hmmm, dunno," Horab rubbed his chin, looked toward Ed who simply shrugged in his own inimitable enebriated zebra style, Horab smiled, "I've never tried it to be honest, I can give it go I suppose, but I will have to wait until the time is right in this universe if you don't mind."
"No no," I gestured, "take your time, no hurry."
"Aye! Ye hosehead!" Horab shouted, "Scrub the decks ye scurvy dog!"

I turned around.

It was high-time Matneee was freed I felt, so I strolled toward the front of the ship, now what was it that Eld had called it? Oh yes, the bow. Matneee was facing outward from the bow and tied to the mast with very tight, thin leather rope, and there were red gashes across his arms where it had cut into him. He must have heard me coming.

"Ah finally," Matneee grumbled, "Do you know how painful it is being tied up here?"
"Nope," I responded, "But I can imagine."
"Well so can I," Matneee said, "and if I didn't have the banging hangover, I'd feel it too. Are you going to untie me from here or what?"
"Okay okay," I unsheathed my small silver dagger and cut the rope holding his arms. Once his arms were free he held onto the mast while I cut the rest.
"Thanks," Matneee smiled, then grimaced and held a palm up to his temple, "I'm going to sleep this off."

After Matneee had left, I started to feel a little peckish, and half-an-hour of wandering around the ship later, I found the galley. The waitresses looked busy, and there were already people sat at benches, benches that looked oddly similar to the ones found outside the Death of Minds actually, eating and drinking.

A large blackboard on castors was placed in prime view of the whole galley, and the writing that was upon it was thus:

I looked down at my knitted jumper, why is my jumper still working then?

Reply on 08/01/2003 14:54:03

Meanwhile up on deck Horab felt a light tap on his shoulder. It was Eld, she was smiling, "Who is the captain of this ship?". Horab opened his mouth then paused, there was something about people in pointy hats smiling in that paticular way. Something deep. Something that had been scrawled in the DNA of those who had survived to reproduce by seeing what had happened to those that hadn't. "Har Har" chirped Horab "Only kidding".

"I knew you were a smart lad. Now listen up; I'm impressed with your witcheyness in pulling a superimposition off. Not many can do that untrained" Eld beamed "but dont try the same trick to get back, it can be done but its much harder"

"Huh?"

"Well this isnt just an alternative dimension, but more a sum total of lots of them. Its like this, imagine a bunch of uninflated balloons in a jar"

"Yeah"

"Now take one out inflate it and tie a knot in the bottom."

"Right"

"Now try and stuff it back in the jar"

"Ah..."

"Yes thats your head if you try to go back I'm afraid. Nevermind I'm sure we can use you here"

Horab looked up to see the two other witchy boats moving in close he could see figures on the decks and even make out the names, painted in sea blue on both bow and stern. One was the "OTS Whereangelsfear" and the other was the "OTS Betweenthedeviland". He turned to Eld again "Hey whats this boat called?". Eld smiled, looking slightly proud "The OTS Damnfoolmission", "That figures. What's OTS mean?" "Official Thuddian Ship".

"Storm!!!"
came Penfolds shout from above "...off the starboard bow". Penfold had settled in pretty fast with the rigging monkeys who, it had turned out, weren't monkeys at all but a small tribe of stoned bonobo chimps.

"Storm?", Horab looked puzzled "but this isnt a real sea, I think, you said...". "No its really a series of fractures in superspace, but our monkey senses find it easier to turn it into a storm, plus its faster to say" Eld looked towards the hatch, from where AK was emerging "I see you found the armourey", AK was looking fearsome with a sabre over his back a pair of pistols on his belt and an Uzi in his hands. "Get the canoneers manning their posts we might need them". AK promptly dissapeared back under the deck looking slightly worried.

Eld raised her voice "Same as the last one lubbers, you know the drill" and then turned to Horab who was still looking puzzled "We're gonna try and sail into the edges of the storm, 'cause its a fracture a load of wreckage from Thud will be floating out of it. Got to avoid falling into the storm itself though. Now you see those boats" Eld indicated some large rowing boats, 2 to each side of the ship "Were gonna send them out, tied by a long rope to us, and people on there will be gathering the wrekage." Horab nodded "Now as you've shown yourself to be a bit witchy I want you to take command of one, it takes someone with a feel for dimensions to find the way back if something happens to the rope and we dont have enough witches to go round. Try not to fall into a side-dimension if you can help it and watch out for the creatures they're why AKs on the cannons"

Before he was fully sure of what was going on Horab found himself sitting in a small boat being loward into a pulsating sea. He checked out his crew, Ed the zebra looked drunk but tough. Boris and Becker, two of the ninja sheep just looked tough. Eric the goth looked, well, pale. "Alright me hearties" intoned their skipper "Skin up. Its gonna be a rough one".....

Reply on 26/01/2003 17:12:49

EDIT: Actually Matneee's post which somehow ended up in the wrong place. AK

---------------------------------------------------------

It was at this point that Matneee emerged from the bowels of the ship, his previous leather-bound wounds healed for reasons that would probably only raise annoying questions if queried too closely. The fact that he was covered head to toe in a black viscous liquid and clutching a pick-axe may have been cause for comment.

"Look - Theres Matneee!! And he's covered head to toe in a viscous black liquid and clutching a pick-axe!!!" commented someone who's name probably isn't worth commiting to memory. Such is narative progression. He looked excited, none the less.

"Amazing!!" the besmirched one spoke. "You'll never all believe this, but having broken through the keel using this trusty pick-axe I seem to have discovered an oil well in the bottom of the ship! Well, seeing as we seem to be on water of sorts, I found it to be a little bit amazing, anyway. Oh look - a Storm."

And so suddenly clad once more in his immaculate armoured trenchcoat, he strode off toward the bow with pick-axe in hand and sarcastic dolphin vengance in mind. Well, you've got to get you're priorities right, havn't you?


'Life is like a roll of toilet paper. What seems soft and easy to handle at first glance usually unravels horribly and ends up somewhere in the sewers'

Reply on 26/01/2003 17:44:19

Chapter 3: Riding The Storm

I looked down over the side of the ship, the sea was definitely becoming more unstable than I had ever seen before, but considering I'd never seen this sea prior to the events leading to this juncture, it was no suprise. I could see several rowing boats kitted out with winches and crossbows (I didn't know the real name of them, but they were the ones they once used in Jaws), Horab could be seen in one of the boats shouting obscenties at the people rowing. They, amongst others were heading toward the eye of the storm.

"Ready the cannons!" I yelled to my subordinates.

I didn't know what to expect, but I was going to make damn sure we were ready for anything.

I turned to see Matneee approaching, "Anything I can do to help?" he asked.
"I dunno," I replied, "It all really depends on what happens, but you could always tie yourself to the mast. There must some method to this madness after all."
"Ha ha," Matneee seemed somewhat miffed at my comments, but appeared to let it slide, and walked of toward the mast anyway.

At that moment, the cannoneers fired toward the storm, all became hectic, I looked in the direction of the commotion. I almost stumbled when my eyes caught hold of the problem heading our way. A huge, ugly creature which could only have come from the Sewers of Thud was rising from the edge of the storm. Who could have dreamed of such horror? We were surely going to die.

"Stop firing!"

It was Horab, he was stood up in the boat waving his arms frantically toward the cannoneers, "He's mine!" he called, "Let him be! Another one of my experiments I'm afraid." He shrugged.

The cannoneers turned to me for confirmation, I looked toward the thing, then Horab, and back to my men. I nodded. "Leave it be, but stay alert!"

I would be interested to find out what Horab was thinking at the time to create such a monster, but it would have to wait.

Reply on 10/02/2003 18:17:10

Horab was wet.

It had started out so SPLARGHH!! simple, skinning up and riding SPLARGHH!! out into the SPLARGHH!! waves but as the storm SPLARGHH!! got worse, most of his crew were just bailing SPLARGHH!! continually. With just himself gathering SPLARGHH!! debris with the grappling SPLARGHH!! hook. And he could barely think for the SPLARGHH!! continual SPLARGHH!! waves hitting him full on. As SPLARGHH!! well as that, they hadn't found much good SPLARGHH!! stuff from SPLARGHH!! Thud anyway and why were SPLARGHH!! there all these SPLARGHH!! dolphins with pickaxe holes in their heads floating around? SPLARGHH!! what the hell was SPLARGHH!! that about ey?.

SPLARGHH!!
Something moving. Throw the hook. SPLARGHH!! Got it! Pull it SPLARGHH!! SPLARGHH!! in. Its a woman. She pulls herself SPLARGHH!! over the side "Horab" SPLARGHH!! "What are you doing SPLARGHH!! in my daquiri?" "I think SPLARGHH!! I swallowed to much, funny its very watery" SPLARGHH!! "Er hiya Lyric" "Hey you saved my SPLARGHH!! life... My hero... SPLARGHH!! ...oh sorry bout puking on your shoes"SPLARGHH!!...SPLARGHH!!...

Meanwhile...

Penfold was wet. It had started out so well, pulling in the sails to stop the mast being ripped off in the storm, clambering on rigging and shouting at one another. Now though he was stuck in the crows nest, in the pissing rain, lightning flashing on all sides and only a terminally stoned monkey called Dave for company. Thats without mentioning the things he was on the lookout for, already some of the things he'd seen in this storm where worse than an evening in a goth bar. Like that for for instance. That purple slash that had just opened in the sky ahead, shit somethings coming out of it. Penfold got on the talk-device thingy to Eld "Something ahead, dead on", "Whats it look like?" "A big woman 'bout 200ft, permed hair, big handbag, its walking on water...", "SHIT", "What is it?", "Its the THATCHER...GODDESS of all those young conservatives" Penfold could overhear Eld shouting something at Ahdkaw, when she'd finidshed he asked "er what should I do?", "Is it coming this way?", "uh huh", He could overhear hear Eld muttering "...of course young conservatives too thick to go meta so on death some enrergy released shit SHIT SHIT", "er Eld its seen us"............

Reply on 18/02/2003 08:01:34

lryic pulled herself over the railing and then turned around to give horab a hand.

'thanks', said horab, who then decided a face plant into the deck was a mighty fine idea. lyric stifled a laugh, then helped him up again. 'yes, well then. that definetly calls for another round. ed! hey ed! where ya at boyo! i need another round here on the double. and hell why not make a double while yer at it' when no reply was forthcoming, horab looked around a moment, and with much caution edged over to the railing of the ship. ed stood there trying to get a good hoof hold on the rope and was having dificulty. lyric realizing there was nothing to be done about drunken men or zebras for that matter reached over and grabbed ed by the mane, hauling him on board.

horab repeated the bit about another round, and the inebriated zebra went to work. suddenly horab became aware of all the activity and a panic about him, and looked to where everyone's gaze was transfixed. all he saw a was a rather mean looking women wabout 200ft or so in the air with a steely gaze in her eye, moving towards them with grit and determination. lyric couldn't stop laughing as horab mumbled on about how he had said it was abad idea to not eat meat and substitute mindless yound conservative loin instead... horab stumbled over to where eld was yelling something at ahdkaw, and asked as politely as possible"is that the big mean lady,e rr what's her name? margeret thatcher? um yeah that's the one, how'd she get so big? and where's ed with those drinks?" eld looked totally stunned at horab who seemed totally ignorant of any kind of immediacy brought on by the 200ft iron lady bearing down on them. she shook him. "damn you man! what the hell are we going to do!" she turned to ahdkaw and repeated her self only much louder, causing horab to wince slightly. horab, paid no attention and was still looking for ed to bring up another, round. eld looked back at him, "what the hell are we going to do!?"
with a most irritating calmness horab replied"well before we do anything, we should most definitely have another round," she gave him one of those looks, causing him to rethink the present course of action, then continued"and perhaps maybe load some motivational speakers onto the catapaults. i went to a motivational seminar once and it stopped me dead in my tracks. oh boy let me tell ya, endless linguistic cliches on the same theme, i mean how many ways can you say the same word uusing six or more other wor..." he rambled on as he lit a smoke, undifferent to the fact that eld was now running over to where ahdkaw stood looking frantic."load some motivational speakers into the catapaults! she yelled into his ear. ahdkaw fell backwards at this, and then stood up again said"huh?"
"put some motivational speakers into the catapaults, and shoot them at her!, it's the only way!" ahdkaw, still reeling from the fact that a 200 ft margaret thatcher was coming at them with tremendous speed, shouted out the order,"ready the motivational speakers!!!!!"...

meanwhile, horab wandered around the ship in search of another round, occasionally muttering about this or that or striking up a conversation with one of the sailors as they hurried about doing stuff that sailors do. ed appeared with a few pints of golden lager and handed horab one. "so what took ya so long there buddy? it's been ages!" asked horab with a slap to ed's back. ed's threw back a shot and chased it with a pint,"i got the round, then on the way back i got mugged by matneee. he's pretty tough for being tied to the mast and all" he replied. sounds like a mighty fine idea, let's go so what the poor bugger is up to, shall we?" and the meandered around the ship looking for the mast, and gebnerally getting in the way of the sailors as they hurried to and fro.

Reply on 22/02/2003 02:14:55

Meanwhile, Matneee had been busy in the oil well. Quite why a perfectly good ocean-going ship should have an oil well within it's bilges is anyones guess, but it seemed to have one none the less. To be frank, he was also begining so be suspicious of all the signposts in the lower deck. "Oil well" they say. "Magical Land of Scrumptiousness" they read. And the door that looks almost exactly like a wardrobe, well, surely we've all seen that one before

Ignoring his childdhood warnings, Matneee decides to open the Wardrobe. A chilled breeze blows diamond-dust ice crystals disarmingly before him. Inviting curiosity. This is not your average run of the mill, ho-hum, usual wardrobe, after all. So he steps through the wardrobe. A certain slight shift in perspective occurs...

"An odd place to put a lampost." thinks Matneee. "But most illuminating."
"Yes."agrees the Snow Queen, almost reading his mind. "Would you like some turkish Delight?" she continued. After all, she was an old hand at this role, and knew her script well.
"I do not like Turkish Delight." replies the betrenchcoated one.
"Hold on, according to the rules, you must do. All chidren passing through the wardrobe do. It is the unwritten law." The Snow Queen is looking not just a litle bit worried now.
"Ah, but no child am I." counters Matneee. "I am many years of age and also know not why I speak in this pseudo olde-worlde speak."
The Snow Queen dissapears into her previously unmentioned sled to confer with her entourage of improbable fairytale creatures. Much muttering is herd. Eventually she returns.
"OK then, what do you want?" She speaks.
"Well, I'm not quite sure yet" comes words from the mouth of trenchcoat. "But I believe you may be able to have some fun on the other side of this wardrobe if you follow me. Oh, the sycophantic faun has just got to go though, by the way..."

Reply on 27/03/2003 22:06:37

chapter 4:folding space is easier than folding laundry

margaret thatcher bore down upon the happless lost heroes of thud, exuding a general state of horror and fear as she made horrifying giant moster like noises. salvo after salvo of motivational speaker had only enraged and motivated the giant iron lady, and she was now nearly in striking distance of OTS Whereangelsfear and the OTS Betweenthedeviland. suddenly, a loud and annoying wailind sound started and everyone who already had their ears covered, covered them even tighter.
suddenly the wailing died off, a and instantly a police booth appeared on deack, causing everyone to gasp in astonishment. the door opened and out walked nub hizlak.
nub shouted, "everyone in!"
penfold shouted back, "how do ya expect all of us to fit in there? it's only a bloody police booth!"
suddenly margaret thatcher made a karate chop decapitating the masts of one of the ships. this caused everyone to run towards the police booth and get inside.
horab staggered into the booth and was to stunned to see that the police booth was far roomier on the inside than it was on the outside. "hey nub, where'd you get this thing?"
"you bought it," replied nub.
"i bought it? from who?"
"yes sir. from some doctor or another. you didn't say his name."
"ah well alrighty then, do whatever fancy hooha ya did earlier to make this appear out of thin air, and make it disappear back into thin air. nub flicked a few switches, turned a dial, and pusehed few buttons, then hit turned another dial. just as margaret thatcher's hand came down in a karate chop across the ship's bow, smashing the keel and ripping the ship in two, the police booth blinked out of existence.

Reply on 05/04/2003 20:03:50

"Another drink?"
"Don't mind if I do", Ahdkaw turned and took the bottle of beer, "Thanks nub."
The squirrel merely blinked before wandering off to play with the buttons some more.

Ahdkaw was sat in one corner of the weird police booth thing they were in, his feet were resting on a round metallic table which was bolted to the floor, "How many fucking police could you fit in here? You could get loads in here, at least a hundred!"
"Oh yeah, you could prolly get a couple more than that" horab replied, "but the bloke I bought it from was a doctor not a policeman, or so nub tells me, I forget these things"
"Still, pretty darn handy," Ahdkaw said looking around.

"I don't know how this damn thing works!" nub threw the sonic screwdriver against the wall.
"Can't you control this thing?" Penfold asked.
"No," nub looked over, "I can do that, it's them damn sonic screwdrivers, bloody pain to use"
"Do you need to use it?"
"No"

"Where are we going by the way?" Lyric had a point.
"Um... dunno" Horab rubbed his chin, "where you wanna go?"

Reply on 14/04/2003 03:39:21

Someplace warm and weird and not hell either. We went there last year Are you two the only ones getting drinks?

Reply on 16/04/2003 10:28:56

exucse ths off dtory psot to wonder if we shoudl ducicuss the chracter bit in the cafe.. whic is to say, whoand what, if any character surver margerat thatcher?( she's a tough oen afer all...

Reply on 21/05/2003 15:35:44

Tell you what Horab, unless we can mount a rescue for Arizu, Thud is slipping down the dark slope. Ak's fingers are broke. Pendo the Great is too busy perving nubile nubian maidens. I say you and I should go on holiday and the rest of them can get stuffed