The Land of Thud
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Ye Olde Armoury Shoppe
Started on 20-08-2001 15:05:47 GMT
Leaving the arena, it was with mounting suspicion about the rapidly increasing size of this whole "Death Arena" universe that Matneee entered the armoury. It was a dark, low-roofed affair, rows of weapons and armour racked against the walls, and a forge glowing in one corner, livid orange sparks dancing in it's heat. The cable that ran from it's back to the socket at the wall lead me to believe that it was more for show than any servicable purpose. Behind the counter a hunched figure of hideous aspect and foul breath shambled with sinister intent..
"Blimey,stumpy. You're ugly!" declared Matneee cheerily by way of greeting.
"Yes sir," replied the homonculous "Some of my more disfiguring diseases stretch back many generations. 'Tis a proud family tradition. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Horny the Dwarf, proprietor of this humble establishment." He extended his hand in salutation.
"It's at the end of his arm. It's got to be his hand" thought Matneee, gently shaking the proffered appendage lest it fall off or explode in a shower of puss or anything.
He cast his eyes over the wares on display. Many of them bore sigils of great power, such as "S.A.M" and "Exocet". The decorative cherry bombs were of particular interest, although the way they were fashioned to resemble small, green pineapples showed more than usual wimsy.
"I see you cast your eyes over the wares on display,sir." Rasped Horny. "Perhaps I could interest you in one of these fine AK-47's, or perhaps this Olde General Electrics Minigun. Both, I assure you are ideal for home defence. Or perhaps something from our range of novely items. For example, these turning flames. Always a favorite parlour trick and so simple a pig could use them. Why, only this morning I sold some to one as it was on it's way to yonder pub over the road."
"Hmm. I see. To be honest with you I only realy popped in here to browse and perhaps flesh out a few details in the text. And frankly your halitosis is begining to make me nauseous. But not to worry Humpty! I'm sure my nose hair shall grow back eventually. So chin up, eh? Assuming that is a chin I find dangling some inches beneath your nose. I shall spread the word of your fine emporium to all I meet. Good day, my repugnant fellow."
And so saying, he turned on his heel and strode out toward the pub that he was disgusted to have not seen before. He tried not to notice the All-Night Stable that had inexplicably materialised at the end of the road during his time in the shop, complete with bags of charcoal on the forecourt and associated store of Essential Items...
Reply on 21/08/2001 13:15:21
Ahdkaw, currently munching on his bacon bap from the Death of Minds Inn, strolls out of the bar, and notices for the first time that Ye Olde Armoury Shoppe had finally opened. Concerned at whom had claimed ownership, he decided a small visit wouldn't be out of the question, plus he was desperate to see the wares on offer.
Upon opening the door, a mingy smell wafted in his face, he nearly decided to turn around and run right there and then, but instead he strained to keep his rapidly-rising bile down and entered.
Horny: (wafting) Welcome to Ye Olde Armoury Shoppe. Please feel free to browse.
Ahdkaw: Whoa! I gotta go!
And with that Ahdkaw bolted from the shop, barely making it out in time to eject his stomach filth over a particularly once-pretty flowerbed.
Reply on 21/08/2001 13:46:37
Having left the pub, Kaz spotted the new Armoury shoppe across the entrance and ventured inside.
Horny 'Welcome to Ye Olde Armoury Shoppe.' He sounded rather despondent.
Kaz 'What's wrong?'
Horny 'I thought this would be the perfect place for an armoury but all I've sold all day is some turning flames and an Ouzi to a pig this morning. One thing I don't understand is why a pig needs an Ouzi to work in a pub.'
Kaz 'I need some new bolts for my crossbow.'
She browsed the rest of his wares in broody silence as he ran round selecting some of his finest bolts.
She selected his finest steel-barbed bolts, paid and headed for the door. Just before she left she turned and asked 'Is there a herbalist in the town?'
'There's one somewhere near the City Hall. The council insisted on keeping the witches where they could be seen.'
Her mind starting to work overtime, Kaz set off to find Ahdkaw.
There was to be a big opening party at the pub which meant a bit of preparation work.
Reply on 21/02/2002 02:15:56
almost out of breathe and craving another frothy lager, i ran into ye olde armoury shoppe, mistaking it for a theme bar.
Horny: weclome to ye olde armoury shoppe.
horab: hi. can i get a budweiser?
Horny: sorry sir, we can't get a liquor licence here.
Horab: shitty. well, what have you got to eat?
Horny: well, nothing sir. i do have several quality
firearms though.
Horab: what you got for super intelligent squirrels?
Horny: well let me show you.
with a what looked like a large grin on the ugly fellow's face, horny pulled out a dusty foot locker. and placed it on the table.
"I am the Post Slutting King!!!"
Reply on 29/05/2002 00:04:50
Slipping quietly from the back room Matneee emerged, his armoured trenchcoat more polished than ever. The time of hiding was over. Action was nearly upon us.
"It looks like Chop made it with the message after all," he said with a new hope in his eyes. "The gunslinger came."
"Ah, yes sir" wheezed Horny. " You said he would as such. Would you like me to stop distributing the devices now that another knows about Th'iek? Only the last time I loaded the cart I lost several of my favorite fingers when I got them trapped. Well I thought they were fingers at first, at any rate, but on closer inspection they just turned out to be particularly enlarged pustules that burst, possibly making the weaponry a tad unsavory for the future wielder to use, I fear"
"Yes, my faithfull but utterly disgusting compatriot. You have served the cause well. It may have rather sawn it's own leg off with a rusty breadknife than looked upon your twisted features whilst plotting, but the retaliation gives it's gratitude. When the Gunslinger arrives, you know where to find him. And for Dog's sake, whatever you do, <i>don't </i>give him the Ace of Winchesters..
"Are you saying they all died mysteriously?"
Reply on 11/06/2002 12:21:18
After leaving the Death of Minds, Ahdkaw remembered that he needed to check on Horny to see how the plans had been coming along. Making sure he had put his nasal-plugs in, Ahdkaw took a deep breath and strode into Ye Olde Armoury Shoppe.
Horny, was as usual, a totally disgusting sight, and stood behind his puss covered and encrusted counter.
"I understand that the weaponary has already been distributed?"
"Aye sir," Horny dribbled, "All is in place."
"Excellent, where was the batch that was sent to The Death Arena stored?", Ahdkaw asked, "I hear the time is close."
"I had them hidden sir," Horny wheezed, "Gregory is keeping them safe near the North shower blocks".
"Good good," Ahdkaw was visibly struggling to hold his breath now, "I gotta go."
"Very well sir," said the pustule-covered armourer.
Ahdkaw didn't hear him, as he had already run out to shoppe, gagging for some fresh air. He only just made it in time. He stood just outside the shoppe catching his breath for a few minutes, and then headed toward the Northern entrance of the Arena.
Reply on 11/06/2002 12:50:21
Arizu strolled towards ye Olde Armoury shoppe, after all, if she was going to go find horab in the suburb of doom she'd need more than her sword. A few feet away from the shoppe Runt's heads sniffed the air and retreated a few steps whimpering. Arizu tried to convince it to keep going but it wouldnt budge. Shrugging she walked into the shoppe. That when it hit her, a nauseating wave of stench. Her eyes started watering and she had a gagging felling in her throat. She swiftly retreated outside, and in between huge gulps of air she looked at Runt and said: "Dont....go.....in....there." After Mexico city's highly polluted atmosphere she thought she could withstand any toxic substance but alas, she had thought wrongly. Nevermind, she'd rather face the chegwins with just her sword and a couple of guns rather than brave the shoppe again.
Sith Lords kick ass!
