The Land of Thud

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Mysterious but sinister Cloning Plant

Started on 16-10-2001 02:11:20 GMT

Much has been written about dark and insidious plots in the past. Some are insidious. Some are dark. But all are evil. In the Land of thud, dark storm clouds began to gather, thunderheads rising like harbingers of doom or devices of bad lazy metaphor.

We thought we were safe. Well, we always do, don?t we? It?s amazing how good our day to day filtering systems equip us to ignore the obvious warning signs that should pique our interest, should draw our attention to the fact that that something bad is slowly, terribly, beginning to happen.In this case, however, we can be totally forgiven for utterly failing to notice anything, partly because nobody seems to have been looking recently but mostly because buildings in the area seem to have the habit of appearing in a matter of seconds. The Guild of Stonemasons was still looking into that one, perhaps considering finding the culprits and offering them a handy Pay As You Die scheme on handcrafted memorial stones.

The new building was of unusual design. Much was made of the gothic-style glass tubes with green bubbling liquid and the strange buzzing machines that have big sparks and go ?Buzz!?. Rapidly rotating wheels and turny dials were in evidence. There was even the ?We belong dead? lever of fame and legend in one corner, suspiciously close to a handy exit. And on a continuous belt of advanced design, a constant stream of bandaged cadavers flew in and out of polished brass machines, each one bearing the curious stamp ?Chegwin MkIII?.

Outside, on the far side of the security fence, a dishevelled figure sporting the tattered remains of a once proud armoured trenchcoat clawed his way up an embankment and into the forest. He had been hounded by hounds, harried by harriers and generally been sorely put upon by all and sundry. Leaning against a tree, he turned to meet this place of horrors with a haunted look in his eyes. He had barely escaped with his life and could only begin to guess at the magics being worked within, but he had to keep going. Only he knew the secret of why the name ?Keith? would become one to be feared throughout the land. Only he could save them now. How little the others knew...

Reply on 20/02/2002 23:53:16

after getting thoroughly thrashed, i wander away from the bar, with my eyes closed.
after a while i decide that it may be a good idea to know where i'm going, so i open the ol' eyes, whereupon i discover that i am in some unkown wood, surrounded by squirrels.

squirrels: we are kieth. resistance is futile.
Horab: ok then, wanna smoke a joint?
squirrels: You will be added to the collective
winter stockpile.
horab: well i'm going to smoke a joint.

Reply on 20/05/2002 22:59:32

Horab moved throught he dense brush silently. He had come to the sinister cloning plant looking for answers. Horab and his other selves had concluded that thud could be in for some hurt if clones attacked, and so decided to send hroab and a company of manbears to investigate.
Horab paused and lit a smoke, keenly surveying the area through his dayvision sunglasses. Just before he saw them, a manbear roar pierced the peaceful night. It was quickly joined by several hundred more, and the distant figures began rushing towards the point towards the manbears charged. When the two forces met, the manbears raised up on hind legs, revealing the face of dawson from dawson's creek.
horba loked at the clones, which all appeared to be naked old men wearing fidoras. Horab shuddered at the sight of such gruesome creatures.

The manbears barely broke a sweat tearing apart the clones. Many bears began feasting upon the 500m long dune of clone puree. and as the last clones were killed, the bears began feasting in earnest.
Horab rolled an lit a spliff, leting the manbears feast.

Horab muttered to himself:let them eat clones
and took along deep haul on the slowburning reefer. as horab continued smoking the joint, the dune began to move slowly, and some of the man bears began to make sounds of gastrointestinal discomfort. By the time horab had finished the joint, the manbears were audibly in pain, and the dune of blood and flesh was moving into a small ball rapidly. Horab hit his emergency signal, fearing the worst of things, then fixed himself a dry martini, and unfolding a chair, relaxed. suddenly the upper torsos of each manbear exploded into the heap.

The mass of flesh had formed into something horab could've only imagined in his days as the mad geneticist. it was a horrible monster, resembling something out of a japenese animated movie. it folded in on itself as i grew larger.

A plane flew through the night sky. pausing for a few seconds, horab fitted a pistol with a magna-grapple and fired it into the air. moments later horab was pulled up, and as he riched his destination, climbed into the cockpit. the mobile suit was already powered up. we went directly for the abomination, letting loose a torrent of bullets. each round tore through the monster sending a deluge of blood, puss and cell stuff everywhere. the clip ran out as horab's mobile suit landed a small ways off from the horror. hroab dropped the gun and pulled a land-type bazooka from the ms's backpack. he quiclly assembled it, and hefting it over the ms's shoulder quickly unloaded the bazooka's clip into the thing. hroab through down the bazooka, and removed the beamsaber from the mobiles suits leg. He fired his rear burners and shot forward into the shlabbering mess of science gone horribly ugly. Using the beam saber he cut through the remaining parts of the monstrosity. in the center of the vomitous heap, he dropped the beam saber, and produced a large grenade from the other leg. horab dropped the device, then blasted into the air, gaining as much space between him and the device as quickly as possible.

it's far far worse than we thought :horab muttered to himself as he flew into the night sky.

the device activated reducing all matter within a specific radius into their base parts.

Reply on 15/06/2002 02:47:18

Today the fight back began. A titanic battle it was. Emanuelle and Matneee fought through through the ranks, clones and unlikely animals alike dropping before the onslaught of trenchcoat protected power.

The floor was slick with bile and mutated organs, bodies perforated by Emanuelle's bullets and Matneee's novelty cherry bombs. Eventually they reached their goal. The 'We Belong Dead Lever' of fame and legend as advertised in 'The Bride of Frankenstien' and the first post in this thread.

A quick look exchanged between warriors was all it took. The weighty lever was thrown. The two combattants fled as the building exploded about them. But would they escape the living hell they'd bought upon themselves...?

Tune in next week to find the answers to this and many other questions....

Reply on 17/06/2002 13:06:38

Penfold dreamed on in his slumbers..They would never learn. None of them. Even the species-confused hamster still thought that Keith was the real threat. How little they new. I was there at the begining of it all, barely escaped with my life. I'd tried to warn them all. If only they'd listened back then, we might have averted the great upheaval that had beset Thud. Of course, the Keiths were just a symptom of the true evil at work, nothing more than the shock-troops sent in to soften people up. It had all happened before if only people had bothered to look. 20 years ago in the land of CBBC. 15 years later in it's splinter colony of C5. In both cases the MarkI and MarkII Keiths had risen to positions of power bit both times disaster had been averted before the Overmind arrived to stage his final enslavements of the land.

Matneee stood outside the smouldering remains of the cloning plant. On his first ill-fated trip here, hed learned that despite the re-cyclic nature of the cloning plant the 'We belong dead' lever always remained, being part of the intrinsic design. It was the only sure way to destroy the plant for ever, to stem the ever increasing tide of Keiths.
Unfortunately, this time it looked like we'd totally fucked it all up though. Keiths were everywhere to be seen and unckecked the Overmind was probably all but knocking on our metaphorical front-doors to complete his evil plans. 'Time for Heroism' thought Matneee, 'Time for deeds of Daring-Do'. In short, time to generally Save the Day.
"Bollocks to this," declared that very same man. "I've just gotten myself nearly killed for a second time in this god-forsaken place and frankly I've had enough. It's costing me a small fortune in trenchcoat repairs and what I need now is to be really really drunk. You coming, Emanuelle?"

And so saying the pair turned heel and strode away from the not inconsiderable crater that was all that remained of the cloning plant. The effect was only slightly ruined by the fact that being only a little after 3PM, there was no dramatic sunset to be framed against. Well that and what with there being so much unsettled dust about, Matneee walked rather loudly into an unseen tree upon the moment of his triumphant exit. Cinematography this was not...

Reply on 18/06/2002 00:00:52

The screams were terrible. Well, they would be. Noel Edmonds for any length of time was more than even the most battle-hardened of warriors could take. And so, in a collosal feat of mental energy, the tortured Matnee willed himself into a spectacular spontaneous combustion. His last thought was that Penfold, appearing to be a little hazy on the concept of narative freedom for others, would have some sort of unpleasant hamster jam type accident. This may yet happen...

Fortunately, by this stage, the more familiar Matneee (of 3 e's fame)was very far away indeed. Upon the name of thud being usurped, he'd decided to cut his losses and leave before the Overmind turned up. This was generally regarded as a bad thing by all.

"'Nd hnother bloody thing," he slurred, waving his bottle erratically at the terrified customer he'd accosted in the far-away pub. "Bloody think! Thing. S'names. NoBloodyBugger c'n ever getmyname right. 'Mean, s'not 's if having 3 E's at the end 'f y'r name's easytoo forget, 's it?"

And so cunningly writing himself out of yet another death and re-locating many miles from Thud, he lunged for his bottle and missing by some considerable distance crashed to the floor, where he lay amidst the sawdust and startled-looking cockroaches.
"Bollocks." Came further muttering from beneath the table. "Land 'f Chegwin, my arse. Let the buggers die. Big shock when Overmind turns up. Then they's all know that ZZZzzzzzZZZZzzzzz..."

Reply on 18/06/2002 04:36:49

far, far above thud, in space, a large and menacing spaceship orbited.
on the bridge frejgkjen-'lk studied his readings. the instruments indicated that there was mass chegwin infestation in the area. chegwin infestation was a common problem throughout this universe, and it was frejgkjen-'lk's job to clean it up.
frejgkjen-'lk: klgk jebe wmn9 jdsan] kda{sad ,sadok s dsalmie
hkleygf: nnget?
f: jdasnois!!